Here's a funny!!!

There were three bass players, as in the bass string instrument, and they were rehearsing with a symphony. They were practicing Beethoven’s Ninth for an outdoor dedication concert in a few weeks. Well, near the end of the Ninth the three bass players have a huge rest for 90 or so measures. At that time the three would leave the stage and go knock a couple beers back while they listened for their cue to go back on stage. Finally, the day of the symphony roles around and the basses, creatures of habit like all humans are, stand to leave near the end of the ninth but, because this was an outdoor concert, their scores start flying around making lots of noise. The basses, being practical people, tie down the score with an extra bass string so it won't fly away and then proceeded to leave the stage so they could knock a few back. They were in the middle of their fifth or so drink when they heard their cue and found that they were already late to be on stage. As they ran on stage the maestro looked at then and gasped because........ ITS THE BOTTOM OF THE NINTH, THE BASSES ARE LOADED AND THE SCORE IS TIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Courtesy of Mr. Farrar, my IPC teacher.

AP tests are coming up in the next month and tonight I made a study schedule which I'm starting tomorrow. I'm studing for one AP class a night every night I have band and days when I don't have band, I do my homework first thing and then I study all three. On Friday I have to study all three subjects before I can do anything. Saturday I have to have studied all three subjects before I can do anything else. I am going to do well on these tests and if that means no social life for a month, well then so be it. I have to do well on these so I can do well in college. I guess I'm telling you all this so you know why I'm going to be more absent then usual from your lifes. I love you all very much, but my future is very important to me and I'm going to need to spend more time studying than anything else.

Sometimes I'm wrong and sometimes I'm right, god knows what I am this time.

Hope you liked the joke, I thought it was funny.

Good bless.

Interestante!!!

Yeah, thats supposed to be in spanish, but I spelled it wrong. Oops.

I broke up with Megan this morning, well, it was around one in the morning. We were at a leadership lockin for the church and Shands, the only other leader to attend besides Megan and I, had just gone to bed. She and I talked about it for a long time and then went to bed. Things are ok.

The drumline won the state championship. I was scared shitless. I'm glad we won.

Megan asked me alot of questions about Analise this morning and last night. I don't know why, but I think that she believes that my feelings towards Analise have something to do with it. They really don't, or even if they do, it is a very minute amount. Things just weren't working.

I realized after the last two days with Megan and Shands and their constant but loving teasing, that I am indecisive, to outspoken, to opinionated, to oriented on "winning" instead of listening, that I lead to much and follow to little, and that sometimes I am amazingly big headed. Thats a lot of lesson to stomach in such short a time. I'll work on those things.

It was weird driving around with Megan because we kept listening to cds that I had listened to when Analise had first broken up with me. I was singing along and I realized that I was on the other side of the song. I was the one who was leaving. It was a very different experience.

Am I me?

I don't know.

Long Day
Matchbox 20

it's sitting by the overcoat,
the second shelf, the note she wrote
that I can't bring myself to throw away
and also
reach she said for no one else but you,
cuz you won't turn away
when someone else is gone

I'm sorry 'bout the attitude
I need to give when I'm with you
but no one else would take this shit from me
and I'm so
terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
it's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away
it's me, and I can't get myself to go away
oh God I shouldn't feel this way

reach down your hand in your pocket
pull out some hope for me
it's been a long day, always ain't that right
and no Lord your hand won't stop it
just keep you trembling
it's been a long day, always ain't that right

well I'm surprised that you'd believe
in any thing that comes from me
I didn't hear from you or from someone else
and you're so
set in life man, a pisser they're waiting
too damn bad you get so far so fast
so what, so long

reach down your hand in your pocket
pull out some hope for me
it's been a long day, always ain't that right
and no Lord your hand won't stop it
just keep you trembling
it's been a long day, always ain't that right

it's me, yeah and I can't get myself to go away
it's me, yeah and I can't get myself to go away
oh God I shouldn't feel this way

reach down your hand in your pocket
pull out some hope for me
it's been a long day, always ain't that right
and no Lord your hand won't stop it
just keep you trembling
it's been a long day, always ain't that right

Decisions, Questions and Ponderings

Decisions- Choosing classes, drum major/drumline capitan/simply playing, drum major/regi, write in blogger/do math homework.

Questions- Do I have enough time to be a drum major? Do I have enough time to be a regi if I'm not drum major? Do I want to play soccer in college? If I don't want to play soccer in college do I want to be regi in college? What does my heart/soul/mind want? What do they need? Am I who I want to be? Could I do better? How can I help?

Ponderings- Analise. Megan. Erin. Donovan. Saska. Drumline. War. Me.

If any of you actually know me, or even if you just randomly read this, you must have noticed that when I think I become very quiet, very subdued and even more introverted. I feel very subdued about everything right now.

I've got all of my classes figured out, well, that is unless I want to be drum major and I actually make drum major. Then I have to change my schedule so that I can be in Wind Studies for half a year and then Percussive Studies for the second half of the year. Before Mayra talked to me today I wouldn't have even had to think about that. She told me that she wants me to try out for drum major and that other people want me to as well. To add on to that, my mother has been bugging me about being either drum major or capitan. I want to play, but I want to direct. I want to just go and be, but then leadership runs in my blood. Grrhhh. Also, I know for a fact that I can not be drum major and regi. It is simply not physically possible. So then comes another decision: do I want to play soccer in college? Could I be a regi in college and play soccer and take honor courses? And then, if I decided I want to run for International, could I do it my sophomore year of college? It's insane that I have to plan three years ahead of myself.

The questions are self explanitory. They are questions for gosh sakes!!!

Now for the ponderings..... I guess I'll just go in order-

Analise- Her name springs into my mind at least once a day, but not in such a way that it would be thought of as romantic or *lovingly*. I miss talking to her, having those deep conversations; so many of the things in my life were scented with her memory and they still smell of her love. Every time she and I talk we trade of double meanings and subtle flirtatious remarks. We've both told each other that we wouldn't date each other right now, the main reasons being distance and the fact we're both taken. She told me that shes going to come to visit TCU soon, just her, and she wants to hang out with me, just me. I don't know what to think about that. Though I have no illusions that she means that we should "hang out" or have anything of any romantic nature happen, I still don't know that I could be alone with her and not feel an amazingly strong pull towards something of that fashion. To me having time completely alone with her sounds like a challenge of strength for the two of us, though we wouldn't be competing against each other. I don't know how to explain it I guess. It would be very interesting.

Megan- Things are kind of rocky right now. I'm going to call her as soon as I'm done writing all of this stuff. I think I've figured out whats going on, or maybe it is better to say that I've finally found the words to describe it. I've been open with her so she is closer to me and feels a greater connection to me. She hasn't been as open with me so I don't feel as closer to her and I don't feel as great a connection. She and I are going to work on it together, give it a week or two, see how its going and then make more decisions.

Erin- I want her to be happy and secure within herself and I want her to have a boy/girlfriend and enjoy the person. I also want to help her, though I'm not particuarly sure about or with what. I wouldn't mind dating her either.

Donovan- This is the only guy that I would ever consider dating. I've had a crush on him for years and sometimes when I'm around him I can't concentrate. He is amazing and I would love the chance to be with him.

Saska- I saw Saska and things weren't weird, well, at least on my side. I'm glad.

Drumline- Half the drumline didn't show for practice today. We may not be able to go to the state contest that we were expected to win.

War- I don't like it.

Me- I could improve upon myself and I will. Help me if you can.

This Time Around
Hanson

This Time Around
(Print the Lyrics)


It's getting colder in this ditch where I lie
I'm feeling older and I'm wondering why
Well I heard they told her it was tell and live or die
I didn't know her but I know why she lied
I didn't know her but I know why she died

You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around
You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around

And we won't go down

I heard them say that dreams should stay in your head
Well I feel ashamed of the things that I've said
Put on these chains and you can live a free life
Well I'd rather bleed just to know why I die

You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around
You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around

And we won't go down
And we won't go down
And we won't go down
And we won't go down
All I know is that fear has got to go
This time around

I've started feeling like I don't want to fight
Give in to the given and put out the light
Cannons a blazing shower these moonlit skies
Then I remember and I know why he died
Do you know why I die

You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around
You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around

You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around
You can't say I didn't give it
I won't wait another minute
We're on our way this time around

And we won't go down
And we won't go down
And we won't go down

Wow

Wow, I am an amazingly capable person. I am proud of myself and my abilty to handle crazy situations. Well, those things plus the fact that I'm a freakin awesome goalie.

Goals scored on me this season- 29 *this is if I remember the games correctly, give or take a few*
Potential goals blocked by me this season- 264
Shut outs-11

I'm proud of myself.

War scares the shit out of me

Doody Doody Dooooo

Just in case you were wondering....

I had a weird dream last night. Josh and I were walking down the streets of some big city trying to pick up guys and girls, Josh looking for guys and me, well of course, girls. Josh was once again my gay, happy, loving best friend. While walking down the busy street we ran into two girls, both named Rebecca, both similar in appearances, though neither related to each other or myself nor did they look anything like me. The two girls followed us onto a bus where Josh began is slow metamorphosis into a guy I know that goes to my church and my school: Chris. Also on the bus were my two brothers. Apparantly the bus was inactive, or at least appeared so. The six of us talked until Rebecca number three disappeared and number two and I began to make out heavily while the boys, though not particuarly paying attention to the girls making out, began to make rather sarcastic and witty commits about something. Rebecca and I continued as the bus began to move and travel farther away than we wanted to go from home. Suddenly, I pushed her away, exclaimed that I had a girlfriend, her name is Megan and that I had forgotten about her. She kissed me one more time and then she talked quietly with me as Chris, the new bus driver, began to drive to my house. I promised I would give her a ride home as I sat there shaking and looking at my treacherous hands. I then promptly awoke, close to tears and still shaking. It wasn't for another 45 minutes that I realized that it was a dream, only a dream, and that I had not betrayed Megan.

I miss Josh. In my dream he was laughing, really laughing. I don't know how long its been since I've seen him truly laugh.

The drama department had their One Act play contest today. They missed moving on by 19 seconds, those 19 seconds disqualified them. I almost cried again.

Actually, I did cry today. My favorite teacher, Dr. Bodiford, has fallen on hard times lately. My charismatic, comical, philisophical spanish professor has become a downtrodden, disgruntled and disheartened teacher who thinks his teaching has yet to make a difference in the world. He and my usual jovial conversation has become something much less; it has become nothing. On the days that I have his class, I go before school and talk to him for the thirty or forty minutes proceeding my class. Today as we sat in silence I could no longer sit and not talk. Emotion whelled inside of me as asked if it was only my class that had disappointed him and asked if I could do anything to help. I told him that he was a great teacher, that I missed his jokes and our conversations of Socrates and Aristotle, that I no longer wanted to come to a class that I had once loved. I stood there, across the room from a man whom I respect more than my father, looked him in the eyes and as mine began to mist I had to leave and go to "tutoring" for the last few minutes before the bell rang.

I'm going to give Dr. Bodiford a copy of Jonathan Livingston Seagull. He and I discussed it one day during class instead of learning a new vocabulary list. I think I might write him a note as well. I feel like he is the only one here that understands me, that understands why I don't fit here, why I am frusterated with the ignorance that surrounds me. He encourages me to be different, to stand out, to be me and to be me proudly. He has made a difference in my life.

I feel I have again lossed another friend...

Two months tomorrow. Wow. I have survived the turmoil of last year. I survived.

Rebecca
Pat McGee Band

Who's got all the answers to questions that Rebecca has?
She's been cluelessly wonderin just how long she's been had.
She knows more than you or me, she never thinks she's wrong
All the tables are turnin'
she's found herself hurtin for oh so long

Anybody out there want to help Rebecca find the clue to life?
I guess she's feels she was the victim, we are the knife
There is a price you pay when you put on that face and roll the dice
One day soon you'll realize the world ain't that nice

Are you alright? Are you ok?
Does anybody give a care around your way?
Will you be alright after we go?
Won't you tell me someday or I'll never know

Everybody knows that you can't read the writing on the wall so don't come in
Even you and I know you can't you don't want to start it all over again
Why don't you just travel down that line, cause we don't have to let you in
Well you seem to think you know it all, let me tell you something - you can't win

Are you alright? Are you ok?
Does anybody give a care around your way?
Will you be alright after we go?
Will you tell me someday or I'll never know

Hey Rebecca this is your pilot speaking and you're about to land.
I hope you get all your answers and you come to understand
That people and things are always going to change, you can't stop them now.
Will you look back and let me know then?

Are you alright? Are you ok?
Didn't anybody give a care around your way?
Will you be alright after we go?
Won't you tell me someday or I'll never know

Oh I'll never know
Oh I'll never know
Oh I'll never know

Hey Rebecca this is your pilot speaking and you're about to land.
Come to understand
You can't stop

"I am an Idealist. I don't know where I am going but I'm on my way."
Carl Sandburg

Past

Today as we were coming down the mountain towards home the conversation happened upon Josh. Both my father and my older brother tore into him, stating that he was a jerk and the quite justifiable reasons for him being so. Even though in my stomach I felt that they were right I defended him, excusing him from any consequences of his actions. To be truthful with myself, he was an ass, he betrayed me in more than one way and outcasted me amoung my own group of friends for his own benefit. He threw Bible quotes at me and tortured me by not acknowledging my existance after he had been my best friend for over a year.

In his defense, there was tremendous pressure from home to "right" himself. He is not a strong willed fellow, though he is quite a genius.

Despite what he has done, I have forgiven him and if I had not been reminded today by my family today I don't know that I would have remembered the things that have happened to me. I truly love Josh and I always have. If I do not love him for what he is now, and I don't know that I do, I love him for what he was to me in the past. He was a brother, a confident, he was the only one who understood and who thought I was right, who supported me no matter what. He was my best friend and I was his. I love him for his potential, not for his doings.

The past is very intriguing. Today I've began to think of the past again, however, not in a depressed or strained way, but in a reminicent manner. If any of you have ever read A Fan's Notes by Frederick Exley you may know what I am talking about, though my ideas and past are not as devastating as his. If you have not read this book, as I suspect many of you haven't due to its little known fame, you should.

What has happened to those people of my past? What is past? Did it once exist at all or is it simply a figament of my imagination? What is reality? Is it simply the now and not anything else? Is this moment the only one that ever really existed? Is it possible for there to be time? How could there be if the only thing which is real is this moment? Why must we anticipate? Live in the now and not in the future?

Wow..... lots and lots of thoughts to ponder. That makes me happy.....

I will always remember Sonja and I will always taste that bittersweet memory as it washes over my conciousness. I am supposed to learn something from her, from her absence, probably many various things. I don't know what I have yet to learn but I will try.

Jumper
Goo Goo Dolls

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.
I would understand.

The angry boy, a bit too insane,
Icing over a secret pain.
You know you don't belong.
You're the first to fight, You're way too loud,
You're The flash of light, on a burial shroud.
I know something's wrong.
Well everyone I know has got a reason, to say,
put the past away.
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, That you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand.
And well he's on the table, and he's gone to code.
And I do not think anyone knows,
What they're doing here.
And your friends have left you, You've been dismissed.
I never thought it would come to this, and I, I want you to know,
Everyone's got to face down the demons.
Maybe today, We can put the past away,

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend.
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in.
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand,
I would understand...

I would understand
I would understand
Understand

Ya ya ya ya yah

Can you put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
I would understand
(I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,)
I would understand
(I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,)
And I would understand
(I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,)
I would understand
(I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,)
And I would understand

*NOSOTROS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Lol, if you don't know, in Spanish nosotros means we, so in fact the title could be translated into *WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*. If you wish for more details on this inside joke, ask Cassie Brooks. Word.

I'm having a really fun time skiing and hanging with my family minus my mommy who I miss dearly. She is at home apparently having a great time hanging out with her friends. That makes me happy.

Today I had my first really bad wipe out. A few days before I was standing and talking to my father and brother when I suddenly just started to lean to my left and fell down on my skis. It was quite hilarious. However, I digress. Today while going down Roy's Run, a black diamond (which means it is amazingly hard to ski if you don't know) which I had already skied several times, I tried to turn to suddenly and ended up on my back side and losing a pole. Meanwhile, I was sliding down the amazingly steep mountain backwards at an alarming rate. When I finally stopped sliding I was at least fifty yards down from where I first was. I had gotten out of my skies and climbed a good forty of those fifty yards when a man yelled to me that he would grab my pole for me and I headed back down to my skies once again. When I got to my skies I fell down and proceeded to slide another thirty yards. Finally, with the help of my brother and the man I got back into my skies and grabbed my poles and headed down the mountain. It was one of the most humorous things I have done in my entire lifetime *Grins quite proudly*

Gosh, there was so much that I wished to write about, but now I can't remember.

I miss Megan tremendously. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her these last few days and every time I think of her I smile. Once today, while I was skiing down a very simple pathway I started drifting away in to what I would like to call "Megan World". I was thinking about last Wednesday and that way she put her hand on my stomach......... and nearly fell of the edge in to the trees. Now, that would have been horribly funny now wouldn't it?

I told her that I love her today, well, I wrote it. I am amazed that since I have redefined love that I am not afraid of it any longer. Love is so simple, so meaningful, so almost nothing. I do not have to give of myself or ask her to give me something. All we do is recognize the beauty in the other. It is so simple that it is almost nothing, it takes no effort to do. I love her because she is a beautiful and amazing soul, because she is perfectly divine and not because I want something of her, not because she expects it of me. Namaste.

I miss Analise. She said she was going to call me on Monday or something like that, I can't quite remember. I wish that I could call her, I might try tonight. She is one of the best friends I have ever had.

Saska is doing so much better, or at least that seems to be the case. Her play is going wonderfully and that brings me such joy. She deserves much and it is time she is reciving it.

Howdy Erin. Lol, yeah, that's my mom's cell phone. I've just been using it because I've been having to do all of the errands and picking up of kids since her surgery. I want a cell phone and may very well be getting one when my mom starts using hers again. It just depends on my dad.

I thought about Donna today. On the way down the mountain my big bro put a cd in with one of the songs she and I listened to at Winter Rally. Just btw, Winter Rally kicked major booty, props to the Dallas peeps. I smiled a lot as I thought of her. She is one of my soul mates though I doubt I will see her again after our run in YOU. It was well worth it.

Well, I'm going to head out. Got some family time to spend and some homework to finish. Good bless.

BTW: This artist kicks ass and he writes all his lyrics in paragraph form. Download this song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bowl Of Oranges
Bright Eyes

The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in
my dreaming, so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and
already open. Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just
been. So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets. But
everything seemed different and completely new to me. The sky, the trees,
houses, buildings, even my own body. And each person I encountered, I couldn't
wait to meet. I came up a doctor who appeared in quite poor health. I said "(I
am terribly sorry but) there is nothing I can do for you (that) you can't do
for yourself." He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would
help." So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt. He said, "I
think I'm cured. No, in fact, I'm sure of it. Thank you Stranger, for your
therapeutic smile."

So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone. And your eyes must
do some raining if you are ever going to grow. But when crying don't help and
you can't compose yourself. It is best to compose a poem, an honest longing or
simple song of hope. That is why I'm singing... Baby don't worry cause now I
got your back. And every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you
laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we will wait for it to
pass and I will keep you company through those days so long and black. And
we'll just keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve of Love's
uneven remainder, our lives are fractions of a whole. But if the world could
remain in a frame like a painting on a wall. Then I think we would see the
beauty. Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl
of oranges, like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.

Skiing

I'm leaving to go skiing today, well, in six hours. We're driving ten hours to Ruidoso, New Mexico. Its going to be a lot of fun, though it sucks because we have to leave my mommy. After her surgery she can't ride for ten hours in the car and she won't let us stay home. It makes me sad and I feel guilty. However, there is nothing to do about it so I guess I'll just go with the flow.

I spent all of Wednesday after school with Megan. Oh, by the way, it takes 32 minutes and 16 seconds to drive to her house and 28 minutes and 54 seconds to drive home from there, just in case you were wondering. Anyways, it was awesome and amazing and I got to be alone with her for the second time ever in our relationship. The first time was the day she and I began going out, it was nice. She asked me a few times why I treat her so well and I've really thought about that question and, sweetheart, the answer is still the same; because you are Megan. I like you because you are you, I enjoy you because you are you, I kiss you because you are you. It really is simple.

Stuff is working out well with Erin. She and I are able to talk without all of that akwardness of the last few weeks and that makes me happy. She and I are going to hang out Saturday when I get back if I don't get back super late. *smiles*

I miss Analise and V and Celeen and Ricky and Danielle and Donna and Saska and Matt and Jenn and Shands and Megan. I think that if I could I would spend the majority of my time with these people. Alas, that is not possible seeing as the closest one lives 30 minutes away and the farthest 800 miles. I still miss them.

Hey, Sunshine, sorry I couldn't talk to you tonight/last night. I really wanted to, but with the bus noises and such I couldn't. Also Erin was on the other line on the cell so I had to get back to her, but you know what I mean. I love you and I miss you.

Today was a good day, despite the lackage of sleep.

Ok, sorry, but I decided I'm gonna post this thingie. I normally don't do shit like this because it usually doesn't make intresting reading, however, this does.


You're a Non-box.


What box do you get put in?
brought to you by Quizilla

I thought it was a good description of myself, or at least what I try to do in my life.

Oh, I really like this song, except without that desperate I'll-be-yours-forever stuff. Leave that and this is a great song.

I'll try to post but if not, I'm sending you love for the week I am away.

Pretty Baby
Vanessa Carlton

You light me up and then I fall for you
You lay me down and then I call for you
Stumbling on reasons that are far and few
I'd let it all come down and then some for you

Pretty baby don't you leave me
I have been saving smiles for you
Pretty baby why can't you see
You're the one that I belong to
I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm
For you're the sun that breaks the sun
I'll be alright and I'll sleep sound
As long as you keep comin' round, oh Pretty Baby

And I know things can't last forever
But there are lessons that you'll never learn
Oh just the scent of you makes me hurt
So how's it you that makes me better

Pretty baby don't you leave me
I have been saving smiles for you
Pretty baby why can't you see
You're the one that I belong to
I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm
For you're the sun that breaks the sun
I'll be alright and I'll sleep sound
As long as you keep comin' round, oh Pretty Baby

Why can't you hold me and never let go
When you touch me it is me that you own
Pretty baby oh the place that you hold in my heart
Would you break it apart again... Oh pretty baby

Pretty baby don't you leave me
I have been saving smiles for you
Pretty baby why can't you see
You're the one that I belong to
I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm
For you're the sun that breaks the sun
I'll be alright and I'll sleep sound
As long as you keep comin' round, oh Pretty Baby

Perfect ending to a not so great day even though I kicked ass at my soccer game

You have just entered room "Chat 24991440044111980043."
Damnskippie18: she seems but has fooled you ist seems
dabopgk: YAY!!!!!!!
Damnskippie18: hehee danielles worked
HockeyPunker14: you know, only typical middle school problems
dabopgk: wait, who is everyone?
HockeyPunker14: as opposed to major pyschological ones
sXe puNkoO: i have to go
tommot311: later
Damnskippie18: yeah well what else would you expect from a middle schooler
dudewheresmyshu: bye
dabopgk: bye bye
dabopgk: who ever you are
sXe puNkoO: i'll see you all, or talk to most of you later
HockeyPunker14: well
tommot311: thats steven
sXe puNkoO: im steven
HockeyPunker14: u may expect that u'd go to a mental hospital
dudewheresmyshu: i would
HockeyPunker14: after trying to kill yourself over some lame guy
Damnskippie18: bye
sXe puNkoO: my favorite song is you are my sunshine
HockeyPunker14: but thats not my little sister
sXe puNkoO: never forget that
HockeyPunker14: thats her friend
sXe puNkoO: bye
tommot311: skippie is alyssa... whos name i can spell correctly...
Damnskippie18: what
dabopgk: bye steven, love ya
Damnskippie18: awww
dabopgk: yep i know skippie
sXe puNkoO has left the room.
Damnskippie18: i love ytou ricky
tommot311: :-)
dabopgk: i don't know hockey guy and dork and dude
Damnskippie18: spells slowly
tommot311: who dont you know?
dudewheresmyshu: dude is danielle
tommot311: hehe
Damnskippie18: R I C K Y
dudewheresmyshu: :-P
HockeyPunker14: hockey guy is a dork
HockeyPunker14: ignore huim
Damnskippie18: hahaha
HockeyPunker14: he cant spell eether
Damnskippie18: will do
dudewheresmyshu: hahaha
Damnskippie18: w/ pleasure
Damnskippie18: ohhh gross
Damnskippie18: i take it back
dudewheresmyshu: you CAN spell fonetikly
Damnskippie18: i take it back
Dorkpunker2600: yeah definitely ignore anyone who says huim
dabopgk: yay!!!!!
tommot311: haha
Dorkpunker2600: german or something....
Damnskippie18: ?
Damnskippie18: hahah
Damnskippie18: ok
HockeyPunker14: quiet, whaledickpunker
dudewheresmyshu: ack...zabalat!
Damnskippie18: hahaha
dudewheresmyshu: (oh the dickens!)
Dorkpunker2600: damn straight!
dabopgk: so is hockey punker chris?
Damnskippie18: whaledickpunker?
dudewheresmyshu: hahahaha
dabopgk: yay!!!!!!!!!!!
Damnskippie18: yep?
dabopgk: DORK!!!
tommot311: *jig*
tommot311: *jig*
Dorkpunker2600: yep
dabopgk: *happy*
dudewheresmyshu: *jigs with you*
dudewheresmyshu: hi-diddly-dee
dabopgk: ok, so, dork punker is............
tommot311: YES!
dabopgk: no idea.........
tommot311: i started a trend
Dorkpunker2600: *laughs at "jig"-ing
dabopgk: what trend?
tommot311: the jig trend
tommot311: jeez becca
tommot311: get with it
Dorkpunker2600: dumb trend..
dabopgk: *cries*
HockeyPunker14: dork is erik
HockeyPunker14: i am chris
dudewheresmyshu: you know what more people need?
dudewheresmyshu: panchos
tommot311: im gonna buy you a poncho
Dorkpunker2600: hey chris, what's that jack handey site?
dabopgk: like the resturant or the clothes
HockeyPunker14: I'll Panch YOUR "o"
Dorkpunker2600: I'll poncho you!!
tommot311: are you going to my church this sunday or south austin?
dabopgk: or i just can't spell
Damnskippie18: i think they need bananas
Damnskippie18: who?
Damnskippie18: danielle? or?
tommot311: danielle
Damnskippie18: so you wont be at church danielle?
Damnskippie18: when do u go to austin?
tommot311: saturday night
dabopgk: lol, i love how ricky is now danielle
dudewheresmyshu: nopre
tommot311: shes coming down to get her like monthy fill of austinites
Dorkpunker2600: yerp
dudewheresmyshu: yess
HockeyPunker14: i'm still gonna panch someone's o
dabopgk: whos dork punker? i still don't know lol
HockeyPunker14: im trying to find out that jack handey site
dudewheresmyshu: i'm leaving saturday (this), and coming back the next saturday night
HockeyPunker14: its erik
Dorkpunker2600: Erik
tommot311: cuz thats it... you can only see us once a month before you get sick of us
dabopgk: ok, awesome, thank ya much
dudewheresmyshu: HockeyPunker14: i'm still gonna panch someone's o- that was just bad
Damnskippie18: thats awesome
dabopgk: lol
Damnskippie18: hope you have a great time
Damnskippie18: :-P
Damnskippie18: nasty
dudewheresmyshu: oh, i will....
Dorkpunker2600: why don't you ponch your own o?
dudewheresmyshu: cuz i'm a girl
dabopgk: please, keep it clean kids keep it clean!!!
dudewheresmyshu: why don't you..
tommot311: you guys should all come down a week from sunday
tommot311: cuz then ill be here
Dorkpunker2600: not talking to you
dabopgk: i'm going to new mexico
Damnskippie18: yuck
Dorkpunker2600: why? there's nothing there...
dudewheresmyshu: haha, i'll be gone by then tho
dudewheresmyshu: yes there is!
HockeyPunker14: im going nowhere
tommot311: new mexico smew pexico
dabopgk: there is skiing there...
HockeyPunker14: but i'll get there damn fast
dudewheresmyshu: thrift stores!
dabopgk: lol
Damnskippie18: why ?
Dorkpunker2600: I'm going to Colorado!! Whoo!
dabopgk: lucky you
dudewheresmyshu: i like new mexico
Dorkpunker2600: damn skippy
dudewheresmyshu: with a passion
dabopgk: as do i
Damnskippie18: ha ha
dudewheresmyshu: *nods*
Dorkpunker2600: I hate New Mexico.
dudewheresmyshu: well then you can hate it in colorado, can't you?
dabopgk: bum
Dorkpunker2600: the fake snow clumps in the morning
tommot311: *jig*
dudewheresmyshu: good. i like fake snow.
tommot311: hehe
tommot311: new mexican
dudewheresmyshu: i think it's zesty
Dorkpunker2600: and it always catches your front edge, making you fall flat on your face
Damnskippie18: i dont
Damnskippie18: burns the eyes
dudewheresmyshu: that's why you don't go skiing in new mexico
dudewheresmyshu: genius
dabopgk: dude, check this out everybody *JIG*
dudewheresmyshu: you wait until summa'. those were some good times..
tommot311: danielle... which church you going to?
Dorkpunker2600: "Look at me, I'm cool. Wait! Invisible ice ball! Ahh!!!! Dead."
dudewheresmyshu: well- we're going to south austin probably, since you'll be gone and i want to visit aaron
Damnskippie18: dallas of coarse
dabopgk: dead? *Cries*
Dorkpunker2600: dallas is coarse?
dudewheresmyshu: and spikey
Damnskippie18: haha
dabopgk: is that a word?
Damnskippie18: hahah
dudewheresmyshu: spikey?
dudewheresmyshu: it is now
HockeyPunker14: read VanB01's info
HockeyPunker14: for jack handey site
dudewheresmyshu: i already have it
dudewheresmyshu: so ha
Damnskippie18: who is it first?
dudewheresmyshu: ally changed the font on my computer...
dudewheresmyshu: ...when did she have the time to do that..
Dorkpunker2600: well yeah. there's only two stages in snowboarding. Cool and Dead. No 'weavering-off-balance-on-one-ski-but-wait-no-I've-got-it in-between, just cool and dead
dudewheresmyshu: uh huhn.
Dorkpunker2600: *wavering-off-balance-on-one-ski-but-wait-no-I've-got-it in-between
dudewheresmyshu: well i never really sat down and categorized it, i just get up and go
tommot311: lol
tommot311: cool cat
Damnskippie18: vanb01?
Damnskippie18: hahaha
dudewheresmyshu: haha ;-)
dabopgk: brb, i'm getting some ice cream
dudewheresmyshu: fun
Damnskippie18: have fun
dudewheresmyshu: oh she will
HockeyPunker14: thats from eddie izzrd
Dorkpunker2600: "Hey Strong Bad, is there ice cream yet?"
HockeyPunker14: his bit about snowboarding
dudewheresmyshu: ohhh
Damnskippie18: yes
dudewheresmyshu: *clicks*
HockeyPunker14: "hey strong bad, i'm inside your house."
Damnskippie18: hehehe
Damnskippie18: yes
Dorkpunker2600: "You're gonna need to get some ice cream in a second if you keep on asking me that. You know, because I'm going to hit you and.. you'll need ice cream to.. stop the swelling...."
dabopgk: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
dudewheresmyshu: *tear*....*wishes her old computer with speakers hadn't died*
dabopgk: suger is so good
dabopgk: sugar
dabopgk: *pokes self*
dudewheresmyshu: haha...dirty..
Dorkpunker2600: well, Eddie must have got it from experience, because there is only cool and dead
dabopgk: bum
HockeyPunker14: indeed
Dorkpunker2600: yay! trigger happy tv is on!!!
dabopgk: who is eddie?
dabopgk: that is such an awesome show
dudewheresmyshu: eddie izzard is a stand up comedian transvestite man
dabopgk: go eddie lol
Dorkpunker2600: who used to like the ladies but recently came out of the closet
dudewheresmyshu: i'm eatin' lime green jello
dabopgk: oh, just fyi for those who want to know, shandsamapoo's bday is the 16th
dudewheresmyshu: i know
dabopgk: jello is gross!!!!!
dudewheresmyshu: *plots evilly*
dudewheresmyshu: no it's not!
dudewheresmyshu: lies!
dabopgk: he's going to have a party, but i don't know when
dabopgk: ?
dudewheresmyshu: hopefully not when i'm gone...or i'm going to fling that buddha statue at him..
Dorkpunker2600: jello is actually a sentient alien being that comes to life every 100 years to consume an entire planet
Dorkpunker2600: the day of Jello comes soon...
dabopgk: lol, nah, its going to be a couple weekends after his b-day
dudewheresmyshu: ok good
dudewheresmyshu: mine is a couple of months after my birthday
dabopgk: jellooooooooooo is soooooooo gross
dudewheresmyshu: my mom still wants me to have one *mumbles*
tommot311: jello rocks my world
tommot311: what are you on?
dudewheresmyshu: yes! rock on
dabopgk: ice cream!!!!!!!!
dudewheresmyshu: jello. that's what i'm on
tommot311: ooh... she got me
Dorkpunker2600: repent now!! it will kill you slower for consuming it's kin!
dudewheresmyshu: no! come back to the jello side! it's the best side!
Dorkpunker2600: don't you see?
dabopgk: ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!
dudewheresmyshu: *gets big stage-cane to pull ricky back with*
dudewheresmyshu: *yoink*
dabopgk: *Dumps ice cream on both*
Dorkpunker2600: mmm... dutch chocolate...
dabopgk: you can't resist its creamy goodness!!!!!!!!!! *MUAHAHAHahahaAHAHAHAHA*
dudewheresmyshu: i'll dutch your chocolate
tommot311: dude... i was so always on the jello side
dudewheresmyshu: haha, oh my
dudewheresmyshu: good
tommot311: psh... like id pick ice cream over jello
Dorkpunker2600: where's chris?
dabopgk: *GASP*
dabopgk: *cries*
tommot311: mwah
dabopgk: and alyssa?
dudewheresmyshu: haha *points*
dabopgk: thanks, love you too *winks*
tommot311: jello 1... ice cream... zero
Dorkpunker2600: look, you made becca cry. again. sheesh. do you people have no shame?
dudewheresmyshu: haha, my jello just made a sucky noise
dabopgk: *whimpers*
dabopgk: ewwwwwwwww!!!!!! *squirms*
tommot311: this isnt about becca... this is about ice cream vs jello
dudewheresmyshu: hahahaha
tommot311: back off man!
tommot311: you dont know what youre dealing with here
dudewheresmyshu: hahahah
HockeyPunker14: um
Dorkpunker2600: *BLAM! (gun) Ha. Jello dies. Jello dead.. Ice cream.. forever
HockeyPunker14: i pick marshmellows
dabopgk: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tommot311: oh ho
tommot311: its a two on two here
dabopgk: *salivates*
tommot311: it just got interesting
dudewheresmyshu: you can't narrate everything like a videogame, ya know
dudewheresmyshu: haha, indeed, it did
HockeyPunker14: u cant kill jello with a gun
tommot311: whoa... thats one point for us for ice cream people drooling on themselves
HockeyPunker14: itll just heal
dabopgk: who says?
HockeyPunker14: like jello does
dudewheresmyshu: ricky can we go to 6th street? alyssa suggests it
HockeyPunker14: hey
HockeyPunker14: i suggested it too
dabopgk: one point for us because jello is drooling on itself!!!!!!!!!!
tommot311: its not much fun unless youre 18 but sure
HockeyPunker14: it IS fun
Dorkpunker2600: ice cream! Fuse with marshmallows to be come um... uh.. ice cream with marshmallows!!! The unstoppable force!
dudewheresmyshu: *gasp* is this true, chris?
HockeyPunker14: u can just walk down the street
tommot311: i went down there to see my friends band play the other day
HockeyPunker14: and see all the nightlife
dudewheresmyshu: bah
tommot311: they were really good
dudewheresmyshu: i bah upon you chris
HockeyPunker14: its so strange and more interesting than dallas
dudewheresmyshu: oh..bands!
dabopgk: hab
dabopgk: bah
dudewheresmyshu: *drools*
dudewheresmyshu: ralph voice: i like bands!
dabopgk: lol, you guys want to come to joshua, i'll show you the uhhhh..... well.... uhh......
dudewheresmyshu: the town well?
dabopgk: there isn't anything in joshua lol
dabopgk: lol
tommot311: hehe
tommot311: ralph rocks
dudewheresmyshu: yeah he does!
dabopgk: nope, but i can show you our AG building which is almost bigger than the intermediate school!!!!!!!!
dudewheresmyshu: he's my hero
HockeyPunker14: hey
dudewheresmyshu: oh my..
HockeyPunker14: whats the population of joshua?
Dorkpunker2600: 1
dudewheresmyshu: your pants.
dabopgk: 6000, 7000, not sure
Dorkpunker2600: no no! 2!
HockeyPunker14: damn
Dorkpunker2600: 8!
HockeyPunker14: thats way too big
dabopgk: nope
HockeyPunker14: heath is smaller than that
dudewheresmyshu: your pants.
dabopgk: lol, are you kidding?
HockeyPunker14: 5000
dudewheresmyshu: i bet my answer is closest.
tommot311: that is pretty big
dudewheresmyshu: yes , it is
dabopgk: i'm pulling my hair trying to get away from here
tommot311: i thought it was one of those like three street towns
dudewheresmyshu: yes, it is
dabopgk: yeah, but most of them are old people
HockeyPunker14: haha
dabopgk: yes, danielle, the answer is "your pants."
dudewheresmyshu: do they eat prunes in front of you?
HockeyPunker14: so once they start to die you'll be smaller/
Dorkpunker2600: so in a few years, it should be about.. oh say 3000?
tommot311: wow... im gonna come visit you someday becca
dabopgk: yes, they do
dudewheresmyshu: hahaha
tommot311: haha
tommot311: thats mean
dabopgk: you should!!!!!!!
dabopgk: i would love that
Dorkpunker2600: what? for 5000 people to keel over?
dudewheresmyshu: i'm getting a car *soon*. i'll visit you once i get it.
dabopgk: yay!!!!!!!! i love you guys
dabopgk: by the way you dallas people, rally kicked ass
tommot311: that would rock... ill probably come some random weekend
Dorkpunker2600: thank you
dabopgk: just thought you guys should know you did awesome
dudewheresmyshu: more than you love ice cream?
dabopgk: sweetness
dabopgk: yes, i love you more than i love ice cream
dudewheresmyshu: *yay* on behalf of a sliver of the dallas chapter, i thank you :-)
dudewheresmyshu: oh sweet
Dorkpunker2600: insolense! the ice cream demands all love!
tommot311: sorry guys... but i think i love jello more... not that it wasnt sweetness... but uh... jello?
tommot311: i mean come on
dabopgk: *ice cream speaking* BOW TO ME YOU INSOLENT BEINGS!!!!!!!!!
dudewheresmyshu: *takes out mountain dew can...*
tommot311: *ducks*
dabopgk: CHANT: I SCREAM....
dabopgk: YOU SCREAM....
dabopgk: WE ALL SCREAM
Dorkpunker2600: *geese*
tommot311: FOR JELLO
dabopgk: FOR ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dudewheresmyshu: i can chant too
dudewheresmyshu: I JELL
dudewheresmyshu: YOU JELLO
dabopgk: *ice cream consumes the jello*
tommot311: ill jell your o
dudewheresmyshu: WE ALL..*crap*
tommot311: i got your jello right here
dudewheresmyshu: hahaha
dudewheresmyshu: "in your pants"
tommot311: hehe... i read ice cream consumates jello
tommot311: i was like what?
dabopgk: lol
dabopgk: now that would be interesting
dudewheresmyshu: indeed
dabopgk: what would the children look like?
Dorkpunker2600: I'll consumate.... you... wait.. no. no. scratch that.
tommot311: wow... that is an interesting question
dabopgk: word lol
tommot311: but they couldnt ever do it
dudewheresmyshu: ewww
tommot311: ice cream melts and jello freezes
dabopgk: why not?
tommot311: it wouldnt be any good
dudewheresmyshu: they melt all right..
tommot311: hehe
dabopgk: wow, they would have to live in a mild climate
dudewheresmyshu: teehee
dabopgk: ewww
tommot311: eww to what?
Dorkpunker2600: no, in mild climates, ice cream spoils and jello molds...
tommot311: i saw nothing really sick in any of that
dabopgk: they melt alright
tommot311: mmm... moldy jello
dudewheresmyshu: mm
dabopgk: all right, scuse me
HockeyPunker14: copulate?
dudewheresmyshu: *drools*
dudewheresmyshu: haha..
Dorkpunker2600: welcome back to the convo, Chris.
dabopgk: lol
dudewheresmyshu: well timed, as usual
HockeyPunker14: *lets out a long, drawn out houpt*
dabopgk: so......... cows?
HockeyPunker14: hoooouuuuuuuuuupppppttttttt
dudewheresmyshu: no
dabopgk: *claps*
dudewheresmyshu: no houpt for you
dabopgk: for me?
dudewheresmyshu: iunuh
dabopgk: wha?
Dorkpunker2600: god, am I the only one who's getting seriously cheesed at "houpt"?
dabopgk: cheese.................
tommot311: maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiioooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
tommot311: sorry... i thought we were making up words here
Dorkpunker2600: okay, it's "fun to say" I guess. but seriously, enough is enough
HockeyPunker14: its such a bad habit
tommot311: whats houpt?
HockeyPunker14: i wish i could quit
Dorkpunker2600: a teacher at school
HockeyPunker14: but every slight pause
dudewheresmyshu: wierd, i found a random online rant..
HockeyPunker14: it inspires a random outburst
tommot311: lol
HockeyPunker14: its all my schools fault
dabopgk: wha?]
Dorkpunker2600: we need a "Houpters Anonymous" for Chris
tommot311: so who all goes to the same school?
dabopgk: i'm comafosed
dudewheresmyshu: when i was searching for "jello buddy icons"
Dorkpunker2600: comafosed?
HockeyPunker14: comatose?
Dorkpunker2600: is that like confused AND unconcious?
dabopgk: i was trying to be cute *laughs*
dabopgk: sure
dabopgk: *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*
dabopgk: cows?
dudewheresmyshu: *strokes non-existant beard*
dabopgk: i'm glad you don't have a beard lol
tommot311: brb
dudewheresmyshu: mee too
dabopgk: howdy
dabopgk: ya'll
HockeyPunker14: i am a beard
dabopgk: whoa.........
HockeyPunker14: what a lame last name
dudewheresmyshu: and i don't have you
HockeyPunker14: hehehe
dudewheresmyshu: haha
dudewheresmyshu: yes it sounded funny in my head as well
dabopgk: lol, at least its not normal like "williams"
dabopgk: everyone and their dog has the last name williams
HockeyPunker14: i'd rather it be normal
HockeyPunker14: there are so many names i couldnt ever use for my kids if i ever have any
dabopgk: Harry
HockeyPunker14: cause so many names sound stupid followed by "beard"
dabopgk: *grins*
HockeyPunker14: haha
dudewheresmyshu: i dunno, when your name isn't normal, people mispronounce it *ahem" daniel carvens?? yes, daniella crovens?
HockeyPunker14: see, cant name my kid harry
Dorkpunker2600: what? fluffy? grisly? dirty?
HockeyPunker14: i get "baird" instead of "beard" a lot
dabopgk: you couldn't name them something that started with a t
Dorkpunker2600: those don't sound like such hot names to use anyway
HockeyPunker14: hahaha
dabopgk: because if someone told them to go it would be GO T
dabopgk: which is a BEARD
dudewheresmyshu: haha *slaps knee*
tommot311: yo
tommot311: zers
dabopgk: howdy
Dorkpunker2600: I mean if you named your kid any of those, no matter what the surname, you'd guarantee your own death at the hands of your kid
dabopgk: well, i'm gonna jet, thank you all for making me smile today!!! you ended my day perfectly
tommot311: later becca
dabopgk: love you much *waves*
tommot311: hasta luego
Dorkpunker2600: that's what we're here for. you simple amusement...
dabopgk: *claps*
HockeyPunker14: no, i mean like girls can have lots of really cool first names
Dorkpunker2600: *your
HockeyPunker14: and most of them followed by "beard" just sound goofy
tommot311: come out and play
dabopgk: bye bye beautiful people
dudewheresmyshu: bye!

Something....

It used to mean something...

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day,
When it's cold outside,
I've got the month on May.

I guess you say,
What can make me feel this way.
My girl,
My girl,
Talking about my girl.

I've got so much honey,
The bees envy me,
I've got a sweeter song,
Than the birds in the trees.

Well, I guess you say,
What can make me feel this way.
My girl,
Talking about my girl.

Hey, hey, hey,
Hey, hey, hey,
Ohh yeah.

I don't need no money,
Fortune or fame,
I've got all the riches baby,
One man can claim.

Well, I guess you say,
What can make me feel this way.
My girl,
Talking about my girl.

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day,
With my girl,
I even got the month of may,
My girl,
Talking about my girl,
Talking about,
Talking about,
My girl,
My girl.

Analise sang that to me at bi-regi, during fuzzies. It made me so happy that I cried. She started sing it again tonight. Damn.

Girls drive me fucking nuts. So many of them like me or love me or want me or need me and god only knows that I wish I could help them. God only knows that I wish I could be superman and fly out and sweep them off their feet and make them feel better. God, aka Me, knows that I can't.

Why can't I make them happy? I guess its their shit to deal with and not mine, but I want to help, they are my friends and I care dearly about them.

Why can't I just be done with Analise? Not friendshipwise but emotionally. My heart jumped when she started singing My Girl. I guess she just didn't realize that the song would mean anything to me. It meant a lot and I guess it still does.

What happens when Megan and I break up? *SIDE NOTE- I don't want that to happen, but what happens when it does? Do people at church get pissed off at me? Does Sasha hate me and want to beat me up for hurting her best friend? Does everything go to pot and I lose Megan's friendship?

Fuck it all.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just sound so happy. I'm not that bad off right now, its just these girls are making me confused and upset. I'm sorry but Becca can't randomly turn her *super-duper-make-everyone-like-becca-thingie* off. I'm just being me. Am I not supposed to be nice? To be kind? To call when they're hurting and sad? Am I not supposed to cheer them up? Damn, am I not allowed to be me???

An anthem for Analise and an anthem for any girl who has ever loved and just can't get her ass over it.

Back To You
John Mayer

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late

Over you
I'm never over
Over you
Something about you
It's just the way you move
The way you move me

I'm so good at forgetting
And I quit every game I play
But forgive me, love
I can't turn and walk away
this way

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
With your silhouette

should have smiled in that picture
If it's the last that I'll see of you
It's the least that you
Could not do

Leave the light on
I'll never give up on you
Leave the light on
For me too

Back to me
I know that it comes
Back to me
Doesn't it scare you
Your will is not as strong
As it used to be

Every Day

Howdy ya'll.....

Life is falling back in to my neatly defined grooves, though it did not wander to far from home. I again feel comfortable around Megan. The last couple weeks I felt as if everything between her and I had gone to pot. I was so stressed that I didn't even want to think about having a girlfriend, even less about the one I had. We had a really good discussion about love at church today and it made me feel better.

Love is not a commitment. Love is not saying that I owe someone something or that they in return owe me something. Love is not forever. Love is a namaste. Love is seeing the soul, seeing the beauty, seeing the light in someone else. Love is not a commitment. Love is namaste.

God, those words make me feel so much better. Ever since Analise and I broke up I've had some problems with emotion, with attraction, with love. I just thought about how every moment I ever had with her was amazing, was breathtaking, was an emotional upheaval, and that simply is not how real relationships are. I saw her once every, ohhhhh four months and then only for a few days in which we were allowed no sexual expressions of our love for each other. We did kiss, however, but sparingly and guiltly. Besides those few moments of solitude she and I shared, every moment was taunt, every moment was spent in wanting. Megan and I of course have those breathtaking moments, but it isn't every moment, it isn't every time. Thats how relationships really are, thats how they really work. I'm glad that I know that finally.

As for Erin, I love the girl to death, she is amazing and kind and wonderful, but not now. I had a great time talking to you, thank you for making me feel better after that horrible game. I would like to say that though for moments I was confused, I had my intentions aimed upon what was right.

Shandsamapoo is fucking awesome for those of you that don't know.

Rock on.

All I Wanna Do
Sheryl Crow

Hit it!
This ain't no disco
It ain't no country club either
This is LA!

"All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die,"
Says the man next to me out of nowhere
It's apropos of nothing
He says his name's William but I'm sure
He's Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy
And he's plain ugly to me
And I wonder if he's ever had a day of fun in his whole life
We are drinking beer at noon on Tuesday
In a bar that faces a giant car wash
The good people of the world are washing their cars
On their lunch break, hosing and scrubbing
As best they can in skirts in suits
They drive their shiny Datsuns and Buicks
Back to the phone company, the record store too
Well, they're nothing like Billy and me, cause

All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard

I like a good beer buzz early in the morning
And Billy likes to peel the labels
From his bottles of Bud
He shreds them on the bar
Then he lights every match in an oversized pack
Letting each one burn down to his thick fingers
Before blowing and cursing them out
And he's watching the bottles of Bud as they spin on the floor
And a happy couple enters the bar
Dangerously close to one another
The bartender looks up from his want ads

All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard

Otherwise the bar is ours,
The day and the night and the car wash too
The matches and the Buds and the clean and dirty cars
The sun and the moon but

All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Ive got a feeling the party has just begun
All I wanna do is have some fun
I won't tell ya, that your the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard