The Bible

The Bible scares the fucking shit out of me. I go to school and daily "God's Righteous Word" is thrown in my face. I don't know how to approach the thing without wanting to throw it across the room.

I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I have delievered them to you. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a woman is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Any man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, but any woman who prays or prophesies with her head unveiled dishonors her head- it is the same as if her head was shaven. For if a woman will not veil herself, then she should cut off her hair; but if it is disgraceful for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her wear a veil. For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. 1st Corinthians 11:2

Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Ephesians 5:22

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 30:30

As in all the churches of the saints, the women should keep silence in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be subordinate, as even the law says. If there is anything they desire to know, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church. What! Did the word of god originate with you, or are you the only ones it has reached? 1st Corinthians 14:34

Let a woman learn in silence with all submissiveness. I permit no woman to teach or to have autority over men; she is to keep slient. For Adam was formed first, then eve; and adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet woman will be saved through bearing children, if she continues in faith and love and holiness, with modesty. 1 Timothy 2:11

*Deep Breath*

The Bible is thrust upon me in an aggressive, upsetting manner so it makes logical senses that I would feel aggressive and upset when I discuss it. Of course Christianity is not without its good aspects, its just that I feel it doesn't portray my values. Women are equal in every way to men as men are equal in every way to women.

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is enither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28

One Of Us
Joan Osborne

If God had a name, what would it be
And would you call it to His face
If you were faced with Him in all His glory
What would you ask if you had just one question

Yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make His way home

If God had a face, what would it look like
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like Heaven and in Jesus and the Saints
And all the Prophets and...

Yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make His way home

Tryin' to make His way home
Back up to Heaven all alone
Nobody callin' on the phone
'Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome

Yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make His way home

Just tryin' to make his way home
Like a holy rolling stone
Back up to Heaven all alone
Just tryin' to make his way home
Nobody callin' on the phone
'Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome

*Oh dear............*

I'm tired, again............

Oh, I remembered two names to add to that list I had a couple posts ago. Donovan and Casey are two boys who I thought about dating. I would have dated Donovan but he's going off to college. *sighs*

My good friend Erin just broke up with her girlfriend. Erin and I dated a little right before school started and it was a lot of fun. It didn't work out because I only wanted play at that point. I had just broken up with Analise and was sick of seriousness. I'm still a little wary of seriousness, I don't like it.

Love is supposed to be this wonderful thing that lasts forever. It doesn't and that is perfectly ok, its just not what all of those story books talked about. It comes and goes like all emotion in life.

Megan and I are better. That makes me happy. I don't feel like I did before but thats ok too. You just have to go with it.

*side note...... Erin told me she downloads all the songs I put on here. You all should, they are GREAT songs.

It's About You
Train

This ain't about the things I've done
Where I've been or what I won
Stand on your corner a thousand time
Lose what I got keep what I find
It's about you
It's about you

This ain't about the things you say
Or how you make me feel this way
Stand on your corner a thousand time
Lose what I got keep what I find
It's about you
It's about you

And when I get this feeling
It's hard for me to come back down
And when I get this feeling
It's hard for me to come back down
And I could be
That everything you need
And I know this could be
That free fall back to me

This ain't about the things I've done
Where I've been or what I won
Stand on your corner a thousand time
Lose what I got keep what I find
It's about you
It's about you
It's about you
It's about you
And when I get this feeling
It's hard for me to come back down
And when I get this feeling
It's hard for me

Cause I could be
That everything you need
And I know this could be
That free fall back to me

But keeping you ain't easy
With everyone that sees me
Telling me get back on the ground
It never could be easy
Instead of you just pleasing me
You're keeping me down
And I know this could be
That freefall
Come on jump to me

CHEESE

Nine girls and a guy

Since Analise dumped me there has been Erin, Keri, Becky, Stephanie, Cason (the only boy *smiles*), Saska, Jenniffer, Lauren, Brittany and of course, Megan. I've turned nine of those ten people down. It frusterates me to hurt people's feelings but I'm called to do it so often.

Blah.....

*DEEP BREATH*

The last few days have been crazy. My mommy is in the hospital.... still..... I've missed three days of school this week. I've talked to Megan a whole total of 15 minutes since rally and thats 5 days. I usually talk to her every night for two or three hours. *eep*

It very strange to be incharge of something. Right now I'm picking kids up, dropping them off, going to doctor's appointments, visiting colleges *ie school field trip*, and going to operas. Well, opera. That was freakin awesome by the way. I love music. Yay.

Right now I'm trying to way the things that I want to be involved in next year, my senior year. *wooohhooooo*.

I no longer feel the need to try out for drum major and I'm not sure that I even want to be in band. If I am in band I think that I'll just go to band, I'll no longer be a leader, no longer be in charge. I'll just enjoy it. But, that is of course if I am in band.

I, in this moment, have decided that I am going to run for regi this year. This year I have been focused, I have been myself, I have been spiritual, or at least more so than anytime in my entire life. The last rally showed me how much I affect everyone, how much I affect the world. I am ready to lead in YOU, to be on that stage. I want to do it for me, for the experience, for the learning, for the teaching. Teaching enables one to learn as long as the mind remains open. Mine is very open. I've allowed my core values evolve and change into something I solidly believe in. I am solid in my belief of myself. Word.

There is always the possiblity of me playing soccer for a select team if I don't do band. I am good enough to get on a decent team. I love soccer, but right now I don't feel the excitement I felt at the beginning of the season. I guess I got used to the rush. Soccer is fun, but I don't know if I would want to do it all year long. Maybe if I didn't have a game every three days like I do with the school season.

Right now I'm number nine in my class. Top five percent with a 3.9 GPA. I'm proud of myself, though in the last week I've slacked off on my homework, mostly due to the lack of sleep. Since Friday I've barely gotten 5 hours of sleep a night, less than that Tuesday night. After the soccer game I went to sleep, woke up at 3:30 and wrote an English paper. I am really exahausted.

I'm worried about my mommy. She was supposed to come home yesterday but there were some complications and she got moved to ICU. She even got moved to a new hospital. My dad says she is going to be fine, and I know that is true, but I still worry. I love my mom.

Right now I'm missing school sitting up at my big bro's dorm room at TCU. I have a dentist's appointment and my dad can't take me because he is with my mom. My mom can't take me, because, well, she's at the hospital. So, because I can't drive after the operation, Ben has to take me. He is in class right now and then he has another class after that. Then I get to go finish my root canal. Yay...........

Ben is amazing. He really is. I look up to him so much. No matter how horrible I have been to him he has always been kind and generous towards me. He is a unique person. He is admirable. I love Ben.

I hope that Zack looks at me that way, I hope that I haven't been such a bitch to him that he can't look at me that way. I want him to be comfortable with me, to be able to trust me. I think he can. I hope he can.




I am never in want.




Just thought you should know.

This is a kick ass song though at the moment there is no deeper meaning pertaining to it. I am happily coupled *smiles*.

Swing Swing
All American Rejects

Days swiftly come and go.
I'm dreaming of her
She's seeing other guys
Emotions they stir
The sun is gone.
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall.

Did you think that I would cry,
on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,
being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again.

Wish cast into the sky
I'm moving on
Sweet beginnings do arise
She knows I was wrong
The notes are old,
They bend, they fold
and so do I to a new love.

Did you think that i would cry,
on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,
being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing,swing,Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again.

Bury me
(you thought your problems were gone)
Carry me
(away. away, away...)

Swing,swing, swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again...
To carry on again...
To carry on again...
To carry on again...

Rally

First of all, I don't need to be doing this, I need to be doing one of the two papers that are due tomorrow in my two AP classes that I have on Monday. Second of all....... shit, I don't know, I'm just not doing the papers.

Getting to rally was a trauma in itself. I was supposed to pick my little bro up from school early and when I arrived there, lo-an-behold, he isn't there. Apparently my mom checked him out of school. So I race up to the church, thinking that she has forgotten that all of his stuff is in my car. He's not there. I drive home, pick him up and attempt to drive him to rally. It took two and a half hours when it should have been a 45 minute drive. I drive home. That took 2 hours. I was almost late for my soccer game, but in the end I made it.

I left early Saturday morning and arrived at rally. It was great to be there among those smiling faces that I know so well. Throughout the day I realized how much I impact those around me. So many people told me that I inspire them, that I hae made a difference in their life. People that didn't know my name and people that I didn't know their name. I, though not involved in the rally persay, was an intricate part of the entire process. I was up on stage, I was leading people to different activities with my drumming, I was saying what I felt and what I thought and what things meant. People actually listened. It was amazing.

Spirit sharing was awesome. I filled my pockets with coins, put shoes on my feet, and used my hands to make beautiful music. They liked it. I loved it.

During fuzzies I didn't move, I didn't have too. People just kept coming and coming, people that I didn't know on this realm, but I knew their eyes, their souls.

Rally, though it was wonderful, has made me a little sad. I don't know why. Process time......

Saska, Analise, Donna..... Megan.....

Thoughts......

Wonderful
Everclear

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them

I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry

Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world's so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now

Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends won't know
When the bell rings I just don't wanna go home

Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world is so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now

No
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
No
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

I don't wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday
No, no, no, no
I don't wanna hear you say
You both have grown in a different way
No, no, no, no
I don't wanna meet your friends
And I don't wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now...

I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

I don't know what to title this......

God, it seems as if everything is happening right in this very moment to me. RIGHT NOW. I feel so frusterated and uptight lately and I don't know why. Well, I do, I'm allowing myself to feel this way, but still, it's not a nice feeling.

I'm still feeling weird about what Megan said the other night. I do realize that you, the reader, have no idea what she said. Sorry. I just don't feel like putting it on here. I digress. I'm not sure how I should take it or how I should react. All I know is that I like her immensely.

Analise, like Megan, is confusing me. I feel like I've really hurt Analise's feelings but I don't know in what way. She and my relationship is amazingly complex. We were best friends, she fell in love with me, told me, I fell in love with her, didn't tell her, she fell in love with Ricky, I told her I was in love with her, she chose Ricky, I was an ass for several months, she didn't talk to me, I apologized,she went back and forth between Ricky and I, she dumped Ricky, fell in love with me, dated me, fell out of love with me, dumped me and now we're attempting to become best friends again. It is quite a challenge. I, though she has forgiven me long ago, still blame myself for the majority of what happened. I shouldn't, I know, but I do. I don't understand my feelings for her, though I know that I don't want to date her or be *in love* with her. I'm just a tad bit confused on how she feels about me. I know that she doesn't *love* me, doesn't want to, and wants me to be her best friend. Thats all I understand. I was/am a bit confused about why she was so upset Monday night.

I wish that I could understand the two most important people in my life, but, alas, both girls escape me.

I am again feeling like I am tired of Joshua. Its such a horrible place sometimes. The worst is when I let it get me down and I add to the negativity. I did today. I apologize to everyone I brought down today, sleep deprivation is not a good thing for me.

I got my class ring today. It is very, very wonderful.

By the way, as of right now, I am 9th in my class. However, the counslers accidently didn't weight the classes correctly. Instead of weighting AP classes 10 points like the should, they only weighted them 5. Hopefully I'll move up in standing seeing as I am taking 3 and, besides Josh, I am the only one taking 3. That makes me very happy.

Speaking of Josh, I was very rude to him today. I don't know why, but he has been getting on my nerves more than usual. If you read this Josh, I'm sorry.

I have this huge list of wants right now. I want this, I want that... I need to be content with where I am. Its ok to want, its just not benefical to dwell on those wants.

Soak Up The Sun
Sheryl Crow

My friend the communist
Holds meetings in his RV
I can't afford his gas
So I'm stuck here watching TV

I don't have digital
I don't have diddly squat
It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got
I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up
I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna soak up the sun

I've got a crummy job
It don't pay near enough
To buy the things it takes
To win me some of your love

Every time I turn around
I'm looking up, you're looking down
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do

I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up
I'm gonna soak up the sun
While it's still free
I'm gonna soak up the sun
Before it goes out on me

Don't have no master suite
I'm still the king of me
You have a fancy ride, but baby
I'm the one who has the key

Every time I turn around
I'm looking up, you're looking down
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
Maybe I am crazy too

I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up

I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up

I'm gonna soak up the sun
Got my 45 on
So I can rock on

Analise

Never, ever think that I would want or try to replace you. You will always have a huge spot in my heart, in my soul. I don't know if you remember, but I do, we once gave each other part of our souls, as silly as that seems. We are connected babe, we are one. No matter how little we talk or how seldom we see each other, you will always be my best friend and my first love. You showed me a whole new world of possiblity, of acceptance. Thank you. Don't ever forget how much you mean to me.

Megan

I don't know quite what you mean and that hurts. This is very strange for me. I'm not horribly upset or traumatized or anything silly like that. Its just that I've never felt pain like this with anyone in a situation like this other than Analise. It is strange in the fact that it manifests itself physically, it makes it hard to breathe for seconds at a time. Its spread about in my 5th and 6th chakras, not that it makes a difference. I care about you a lot, though I do not like being confused.

Falling In Love Again
Eagle Eye Cherry

I'm so tired
Of falling in love
Finding it easier to fall out
Can't deny it
I feel it inside Cupid's fire
I can't hide

I'm falling in love again
Ain't nothing I can do
Falling in love again
Girl this time it's with you
When I fall
It's always the same
And I'm so tired
Of playing this game

It's been so long now
Since I gave up my heart
I've kept it locked down
I don't wanna get it harmed
So let me tell you now
I just want to be sure
That you won't hurt me
Can you promise me that

I'm falling in love again
Ain't nothing I can do
Falling in love again
Girl this time it's with you
When I fall
It's always the same
And I'm so tired
Of playing this game

You got to tell me
If you're going to break my heart
'Cos I don't wanna take the chance
And if it ain't true
All it's gonna be
Is nothing but a poor romance
So give me that promise to hold on
And I'll never let you go
We gotta have something to go on
I'm letting you know now

I'm falling in love again
Ain't nothing I can do
Falling in love again
Girl this time it's with you
When I fall
It's always the same
And I'm so tired
Of playing this game

Falling in love again

*Sigh*

I miss Megan.....

dabopgk: I keep staring at this screen, looking for a glimpse of you, for your smile, for your gorgeous eyes, for your face, and all I can see is this screen with your screen name on it. I keep on trying to connect your beauty and your grace, your love and your acceptance to this simple name. It is quite silly, letters, words cannot define you, nor can they come close to even barely encompassing the most minute of your wonderful light. I am tired of this screen with letters and words. I miss you corn flakes.....
dabopgk: sweetheart, where are you?
rainbowbrite5524: speechless

Smile
Hanson

Well this feeling that you're feeling
Is something I know you've felt before
When I see you I want to hold you
Till the end of time and a little bit more

And I'm not gonna let it go
You've got to let your feelings show

So smile, give me all your heart and we'll never be apart.
I'll never leave you lonely
If you'll just smile, tell me that you care
And I'll always be there.
I'll never leave you hurting if you just smile.

Well this feeling I've been feeling
Well I can feel it right now from my head to the floor
When I see you I want to love you
Till the end of time and a little bit more

And I'm not gonna let it go
You've got to let your feelings show
So smile, give me all your heart and we'll never be apart.
I'll never leave you lonely
If you'll just smile, tell me that you care
And I'll always be there.
I'll never leave you hurting if you just smile.

I got my joy all broken into
But if anyone can heal me baby it's you
Won't you come and hold my hand
This world has taken me as far as it can without your

Smile, give me all your heart and we'll never be apart.
I'll never leave you lonely
If you'll just smile, tell me that you care
And I'll always be there.
I'll never leave you hurting if you just smile.
If you'll just smile, if you'll just smile

arrrrrrgggghhhhh


Soccer


arrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Enough said............................

Megan

This is why my girl is so amazing and wonderful and perfect and why I am left breathless around her........

J2MEi95cl: lets just be friends
rainbowbrite5524: ok
rainbowbrite5524: i wasnt looking for a relationship in the first place
J2MEi95cl: ok
rainbowbrite5524: i have a girlfriend
rainbowbrite5524: no need for a man at this point
J2MEi95cl: ?
rainbowbrite5524: ??
J2MEi95cl: what do you mean by girlfriend?
rainbowbrite5524: like im dating a girl
J2MEi95cl: come on if you think that shes better than a guy than you havnt met a good guy. there is a reason its male and female its too bad that "man" is a dieing breed
J2MEi95cl: do your parents know about this?
rainbowbrite5524: it's not that i haven't met a good guy, i just really like her
rainbowbrite5524: yes they do
J2MEi95cl: how close are you?
rainbowbrite5524: we have been going out for two week to this day
rainbowbrite5524: but i have known her for years
J2MEi95cl: so how far have yall gone?
rainbowbrite5524: made out
rainbowbrite5524: it's not like that with a girl
J2MEi95cl: ok...STOP
rainbowbrite5524: stop what?
J2MEi95cl: trust me your going down the wrong path
rainbowbrite5524: im happy and thats all that matters
J2MEi95cl: i know lots of girls that have experimented like this
rainbowbrite5524: i know what i want
J2MEi95cl: your not being the person God intended you to be. that's what maters
rainbowbrite5524: its not so much about being someone who experiments
rainbowbrite5524: what if god intended me to be with her?
J2MEi95cl: Satan corrupts that which is good.
J2MEi95cl: God doesn't contradict himself
rainbowbrite5524: i dont believe in satan
rainbowbrite5524: or hell
rainbowbrite5524: and it's not to be saying that " oh if i dont believe in it, then it must not be true", i have a every different religion
J2MEi95cl: just because i don't believe your a 12 year old boy doesn't mean that you arn't
rainbowbrite5524: you want to see a picture of me?
J2MEi95cl: you bet
J2MEi95cl: but thats not the point im making
J2MEi95cl: read closer
rainbowbrite5524: http://www.unityfortworth.org/youthed.asp
J2MEi95cl: i believe your a girl
rainbowbrite5524: im the one on the left in the top corner
rainbowbrite5524: it's not that i want god to be mad at me for my actions, but at this point i know that i am happy
rainbowbrite5524: and if that means that i have to spend the rest of my life in "hell", then so be it, it's worth it
J2MEi95cl: well shouldn't you want to make God happy? after all, you wouldn't be here without him. so that would mean you owe if your life and that your life is just as much his than it is yours because he it the Creator.
rainbowbrite5524: true
rainbowbrite5524: very good point
rainbowbrite5524: but i will always owe my life and anything i can give to him yes, but he wants me to be happy
rainbowbrite5524: no matter if i harms my future
rainbowbrite5524: this is a lesson that i have to learn from myself
J2MEi95cl: so if hell would be "worth" it that we can assume it is real for this example: hell is eternity, there is eternal solitary burning. that's worth it?
rainbowbrite5524: but thank you very much for doing your job as a good citizen of life
rainbowbrite5524: well i would be there with her
rainbowbrite5524: wouldnt i?
J2MEi95cl: no
rainbowbrite5524: why?
rainbowbrite5524: she's just as guilty as me
rainbowbrite5524: is she not?
J2MEi95cl: yeah so why do you think you'll be rewarded?
rainbowbrite5524: for what?
J2MEi95cl: the point of history is to learn from its mistakes
J2MEi95cl: to be together is what you want right? why would God grant that wish?
rainbowbrite5524: why wouldnt he?
rainbowbrite5524: he loves us all doesnt he?
J2MEi95cl: yes but the wages o fsin is death.
J2MEi95cl: you must repent
rainbowbrite5524: who ever said heaven was the place you had to go to
rainbowbrite5524: whats so wrong with going to hell
rainbowbrite5524: you work for eternity so what
rainbowbrite5524: you did the same thing on earth
J2MEi95cl: to continue in sin is to continue in death, Christ came to give us life. he died for our sins so that we can enjoy life to the fullist
rainbowbrite5524: and all we do is sin
J2MEi95cl: yeah but the Christian continually seeks God and to be perfect like him untill we will be truly perfect in heaven
rainbowbrite5524: but in that process is continuous sin
J2MEi95cl: be a christian isn't like joining a club. its active enrolment
J2MEi95cl: no we are free from it
rainbowbrite5524: for those who are christian
J2MEi95cl: some may sin but it is not right for us to continue in it
rainbowbrite5524: what if someone loves the lord but wants to go to hell
J2MEi95cl: that's contradicting because the Lord isn't there. if love the Lord you will keeep his comandments
J2MEi95cl: you will want to be where he is
rainbowbrite5524: why is that?
rainbowbrite5524: you dont know that
J2MEi95cl: the lord hates sin!
J2MEi95cl: why would he go to hell
rainbowbrite5524: then why does he allow it on his creation?
J2MEi95cl: some choose death
J2MEi95cl: you dont have to
rainbowbrite5524: so i choose death
J2MEi95cl: why?
J2MEi95cl: that doesn't make sense?
rainbowbrite5524: i dont think you'll ever understand
rainbowbrite5524: but if i have to pay the price of my life to be with her then i will
rainbowbrite5524: thanks for trying to save me but i like her for what she is
J2MEi95cl: i do understand, and hopfully you will to before you die
rainbowbrite5524: you're a good person
rainbowbrite5524: God has youyr spot in heaven waiting for you
J2MEi95cl: im as sinful as the rest of them but i have chosen to rise above it
rainbowbrite5524: im proud
J2MEi95cl: im not trying to impress you
rainbowbrite5524: i know
rainbowbrite5524: i can see it is who you are
J2MEi95cl: im sorry for you
rainbowbrite5524: it's ok, it's my choice
J2MEi95cl: but if this is who i am than one of us is wrong
rainbowbrite5524: why?
J2MEi95cl: because we believe that some go to hell and some go to heaven that contradicts your beliefs
J2MEi95cl: there are absoluts
rainbowbrite5524: oh
rainbowbrite5524: one question
J2MEi95cl: shoot
J2MEi95cl: i mean go ahead
rainbowbrite5524: where does it say that it is your job to judge others?
J2MEi95cl: did i judge you? are we not just stating opinons? did i say your going to hell? i just said be careful wich path you take. you are going down the wrong path but that doesn't mean you have to keep going. God is no respector of persons and neither am i. i have done and continue to do wrong, but i have chosen not to continue in sin
rainbowbrite5524: ok
rainbowbrite5524: thanks
rainbowbrite5524: you seem really nice
J2MEi95cl: you too
rainbowbrite5524: im sorry if i seem like a little devil child
J2MEi95cl: no
J2MEi95cl: you don't know anything about myself or my past, your ok.
J2MEi95cl: :-)
J2MEi95cl: O:-)
rainbowbrite5524: hehe
rainbowbrite5524: well i have to get up in the morning so i will catch you later
rainbowbrite5524: bye little one
rainbowbrite5524: be safe and good bless
J2MEi95cl: don't be quick to believe what man or woman teaches. study the word and allow God to reveal the truth.
rainbowbrite5524: will do
J2MEi95cl: good
J2MEi95cl: sweet dreams
rainbowbrite5524: night

SLEEP

Sleep is the answer to all lifes querys. Sleep will lead those who indulge in it to enlightenment. Either that or lots and lots of snoring.

Word

Who Needs Sleep
Barenaked Ladies

Now I lay me down not to sleep
I just get tangled in the sheets
I swim in sweat three inches deep
I just lay back and claim defeat

Chapter read and lesson learned
I turned the lights off while she burned
So while she's three hundred degrees
I throw the sheets off and I freeze

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around

Who needs sleep?
(well you're never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep?
(tell me what's that for)
Who needs sleep?
(be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War)

My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing filled with lists
of things to do and things I've done
Another sleepless night's begun

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around

Who needs sleep?
(well you're never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep?
(tell me what's that for)
Who needs sleep?
(be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War)

Who needs sleep?
(well you're never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep?
(tell me what's that for)
Who needs sleep?
(be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War)

There's so much joy in life,
so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia
is one I've never found
With all life has to offer,
There's so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia
are ones I can't avoid

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around

Hala Hala Hala...

Who needs sleep?
(well you're never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep?
(tell me what's that for)
Who needs sleep?
(be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War)

*EEP*!!!

Gosh, was I crabby earlier today. The lack of sleep does that to me. I apologize to any I may have felt poopy with me.

I feel a tad bit like an ass. I don't know why I said those things about Megan and I, though perhaps on some level I feel them to be true. It seems like she is always talking of the boy she first dated and I'm always talking about Analise. It feels like we both have some leftover baggage. Maybe its me.

I hope that I have not disillusioned any of you about the wonderfulness of Megan. I don't know if I have yet to describe her or not, but I shall this very moment. When she stands against me my chin touches the top of her beautiful blonde hair. Her deep blue-green eyes sparkle and shine every moment she smiles with her full lips. She loves to laugh, and does it often, particularly when I'm around her. She is very intelligent and amazingly complex. Still, after two full weeks under Becca scrutinty, I have yet to understand how she works, which for me is very intriguing and, yes, a bit of a turn on. She has this wonderful way of being absolutely irresistible without realizing or even trying. When I'm around her the only thing I want to do is hold her in my arms and look into her eyes. I am astounded, twitterbaited, head over heels, yes any other cheesy phrase that you would like to attach to the situation. She has me wrapped around her finger and she knows it. The best thing is that she doesn't use it. She likes the way I talk about random things for minutes at a time and she doesn't mind when I sing silly songs about nothing. No, it's not that she doesn't mind, its that she likes it that gets me. She accepts me for me and I am so thankful for that. She is truly divine.

Hey Beautiful, I know I just gave you this address and told you I have this blog. I also know I said some silly stuff in the post before this. I know the paragraph above this could be taken as something else than it is. I want you to know that its not, that everything it says, and everything I have said or written, is amazingly sincere, even the words in the post below this. I don't know where we stand, and thats ok, though I am a bit confused. I wouldn't mind falling in love with you, I think that it would be quite grand. However, I don't want that kind of relationship that we talked about earlier- desperate love. It just doesn't work for me. Thank you so much for the presence in my life, you have already made a profound difference. Thank you.

Hey Leonardo
Blessed Union of Souls

She don't care about my car
She don't care about my money
And that's real good cause I don't got alot to spend
But if I did it wouldn't mean nothin'
She likes me for me
Not because I look like Tyson Beckford
With the charm of Robert Redford
Oozing out my ears
But what she sees
Are my faults and indecisions
My insecure conditions
And the tears upon the pillow that I shed

She don't care about my big screen
Or my collection of DVD's
Things like that just never mattered much to her
Plus she don't watch too much TV

And she don't care that I can fly her
To places she ain't never been
But if she really wants to go I think deep down she knows that
All she has to say is when

She likes me for me
Not because I hang with Leonardo
Or that guy who played in 'Fargo'
I think his name is Steve
She's the one for me
And I just can't live without her
My arms belong around her
And I'm so glad I found her once again
And I'm so glad I found her once again
And I'm so glad I found her once again
Gazing at the ceiling as we entertain our feelings in the dark
The things that we're afraid of are gonna show us what we're made of in the end

She likes me for me
Not because I sing like Pavorotti
Or because I'm such a hottie
I like her for her
Not because she's phat like Cindy Crawford
She has got so much to offer
Why does she waste all her time with me
There must be something there that I don't see

She likes me for me
Not because I'm tough like Dirty Harry
Make her laugh just like Jim Carrey
Unlike the Cable Guy
But what she sees
Is that I can't live without her
My arms belong around her
And I'm so glad I found her once again
Found her once again
I'm so glad I found her once again
Once again

*MEH*

I feel like poop today. I don't know if its a continuation of last night as much as it's just me being exhausted. I feel worn out about everything. Even though I need to do three or four math lessons, the sunroom, the garage, write notes to the girls on the soccer team, and sell some damn fundrasier, the only things I want to do write now is to sleep or go be with Megan. Or both. Its so nice to fall asleep next to someone who really cares about you. I've only had the chance once or twice but it was amazing.

I've had a lot of pessimistic thought today, and I don't think I spelled that right and I don't think I care *teehee*. Thought number one- I don't ever want to get married or have a life partner or something like that. Love, like everything, is subject to change. No one ever loves someone forever. I don't want to be stuck in a relationship because of a commitment that said forever and ever. I want long time relationships, just none of that "I'll love you for all of eternity" crap. It just doesn't work like that. Thought number two- Megan and I, though we truly like each other and are intrested in each other, are just in this relationship to get over our former boyfriend/girlfriend. Meh, that doesn't sound right. We're not in this relationship to get some booty, we're in this relationship with the understanding that we AREN'T going to fall in love. That this is like, not love. No crazy commitments. Thought number three- I can't stand my mother. No matter what I try to talk to her about, she gets angry at me. Seeing Megan, taking my little brother to the movies, cleaning the sunroom, going to church, the dog, every time I talk to her she gets angry at me. *Grrrrrhhhhhhh*

I want to be somewhere else.......

Happy
Sister Hazel

I remember watchin'
All the once upon a times
Remember thinkin'
Who's content and who's for rent
And you said don't you want to be like that man!?
Oh No--No--No!
But then he cracks that smile
And that don't look so bad to me.....

Happy--I'm Happy
But that ain't good enough for you
Happy--I'm Happy.....

I remember thinkin'
How they thought that we should be
Remember feelin'
That might be you but that ain't me
And you said don't you want to be like that man!?
Oh No--No--No!
But then he cracks a smile
And that don't look so bad to me.....

Happy--I'm Happy
But that ain't good enough for you
Happy--I'm Happy.....

Happy--I'm Happy
But that ain't good enough for you
Happy--I'm Happy.....

The suns that rise
A young girls sighs
A baby cries
An old mans eyes

The suns that rise
A young girls sighs
A baby cries
An old mans eyes

I remember watchin'
All the once upon a times
Remember thinkin'
Who's content and who's for rent
And you said don't you want to be like that man!?
Oh No--No--No!
Then he cracks that smile
And that don't look so bad to me.....

Happy--I'm Happy
But that ain't good enough for you
Happy--I'm Happy.....

Happy--I'm Happy
But that ain't good enough for you
Happy--I'm Happy.....