To Mayra

Parece que cuando estoy alrededor de usted que yo no puedo empezar a formar un pens?. Yo no necesito a porque cada momento que estoy con usted yo soy satisfecho, soy llenado. No hay la necesidad ni la necesidad, apenas una certeza. Sé que cuando estoy con usted, eso cuando pienso en usted, que soy exactamente donde necesito ser. Hay la duda en mi mente que mi vida es perfecta en este momento en estos momentos porque obtengo para gastarlos con usted. Soy bendecido sinceramente saberlo y chica hermosa, hay mucho, mucho, mucho sentimiento. Yo ni empieza a explicar.

Yeah, I used a translator, but it was part of the fun *winks*.

This is what she wrote me in Spanish, now translated to English-

I believe that you are one of the persons but impresionanates that have known up to now, I do not have the smaller idea that these doing with me but is my buenisima luck that be. When I am with you is as if all was well and nothing but imported and arrives that have you to go eventually and so suddenly because wanted that you remained a little but because I feel too much well when these with me, very happy inside. Me not to you stop impressing in behavior and in knowledge.. your balance does that my head rotate and stimulates me in all the areas possible hehe Meant that it is but that fascinacion because me full inside although done not you be present... you are truly increible to feel this

She amazes me. I am truly happy and fortunate. Thank you god.

ForcesOfNature05: haha imported.....


?Qué haria usted con un hipopotamo purpura?

Yay!!!

Guess what!!!!!!!!!!

I have a girlfriend. Her name is Mayra. She's from Peru. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Psssssssshtttttt* She lives in Ft. Worth *grins*.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nature
India.Arie

Hey baby, why you rushing
Let's sit back and watch the flowers grow
Why you want to swim against the tide
Let's lay and watch the river flow

Here in god's creation
There is always a reason
I know, that love is there for us
Yeah

Where we'll go, baby I don't know
Maybe we should just let nature run the show
Where we'll go, baby I don't know
Maybe we should just let nature run the show

I don't wanna watch no movie
Let's sit and watch the stars put on a show
If you want to win my favor
Be creative, and show me your flavor

Cause here in god's creation
For everything there is a season
Let go, let life
Let love, let God

Where we'll go, baby I don't know
Maybe we should just let nature run the show
Where we'll go, baby I don't know
Maybe we should just let nature run the show

Like the sun shines and
The wind blows
Like the birds fly
And the moon glows
If I am meant for you and
You are meant for me
Then we will flow together
Everlastly

Where we'll go, baby I don't know
Maybe we should just let nature run the show
Where we'll go, baby I don't know
Maybe we should just let nature run the show

Baby we should sit, watch the flowers grow
Baby we should sit back and watch the moon glow
Baby, we should just sit and feel the wind blow

First you plant a seed
And then it grows and
Then it blooms
And it dies
That the cycle of life
Same go's for you and I
Maybe this time we'll get it right

Go with the flow
Maybe we'll get it right..
Go with the flow....

*Smiles at self*

I wish at times that I could put an artistic flare of some kind of my writing. You know, just a combination of words, a symphony of diction that intrigues the reader. It seems at times that my mind is a thesaurus thats stuck on one page. I want and need so badly to express myself, of course making it impossible to form the words eloquently enough to truly convey my ideas.

Any way, I wasn't actually intending to write anything about thought process tonight, but as I thought about what I wanted to write, I realized how futile it seemed. No worries. I actually wanted to write that I had an epiphany today. I was sitting in the stands at the UIL Marching Contest, in which my band got a first division rating which continues us on to area, and I finally realized that I am terrified of not being accepted. After so many years of being pushed away and made fun of, I've begun hiding at school. Perhaps not hiding, but secluding myself. I live my life trying to be as true to myself as possible, I don't compromise who I am for other's opinions. However, I've begun not to share myself with a large, and I mean LARGE number of people at my school because I am so terrified of rejection. I can't just go sit with a large group of people or approach people that I know without getting a sick feeling in my stomach. I feel as if I don't belong and that I am not worthy of having a decent conversation. It hurts and now I know why, so now I can change and choose my own destiny.

Merry Christmas.

*Tired*

So, I've just spent the last, lets say eight hours doing college stuff. I spent probably six hours last night dealing with the same stuff. In those last fourteen hours, I've gone from a possible 530 (those of you that I told 400, yeah, I was wrong) colleges to ten that I like and three that I really like. And, I should be able to go to any of these with free tuition. Yay for tuition exchange programs.

Here is the top five-

1. Mount Holyoke College, South Hadley, Mass.
2. Bard College, Annedale-on-Hudson, New York
3. Bennington College, Bennington, Vermont
4. Smith College, North Hampton, Mass.
5. Grinnell College, Grinnell, Iowa

It seems that freedom is in the North, how predictable...

Long time no write....

Wow, its been awhile. I've been super busy with Y.O.U., band, cross country and all of my classes. The last couple weeks have been a challenge but I'm still here, still strong.

Rally
First of all, rally kicked. It was just amazing how well everything went. We had a few minor problems, but we got them cleared up quickly and, I believe, without hurt feelings.

I led my first meditation during Katrina and my workshop. I wasn't nervous, or really concerned though. I think its because I took the time to really center myself and get ready for it. I need to take more time to get centered. I'm going to start using prayer beads.

Now that rally is over, I'm kind of at a loss and at the same completely filled. I'm not sure what my job as a regi is now but I am now satisfied at how gorgeous the rally was. Everyone just made it so great. I am so blessed and thankful for everything I learned that weekend.

You are not alone
You are not alone
You are not alone
I am here with you

I cry when I sing that now. Its a good thing.

Band
It was amazing when I got back from rally. I walked in on Tuesday morning and I heard from the back corner of the band hall "YAY!!!!! Beccas Back!!!!!!!!!!" It was very strange.

As the day and the week continued on, my section began to tell me that they had missed me and that they had such a hard time without me. All of my directors welcomed me back and told me that it had been chaotic without me. The parents that help the pit move stuff before/during/after the show came up to me just to tell me that they were glad I was back because the pit lost something when I was gone. They said I made the pit have an edge to it, some life to it and that they were greatful for it.

It felt nice.

I now know that they realize how hard I work and how much extra time I spend up at the band hall. I know they appreciate all of the effort and heart I put in. It was very cool.

So now, I know I'm appreciated and its great, but I still stand by myself in the corner. People still don't really talk to me. I need to step out of my box and try to make some friends again. Its so hard but I can do it. Wait, its NOT hard. I can do it, there is no need to worry about it. I am whole, complete and wonderful. No worries.

Mayra
That girl is riveting. Just being around her leaves me spellbound. I got to spend an hour with her last night while Vanessa dropped Shands off at his house and got cookies.

We talked about religion, spirituality, music, school, band, life, everything and the dog. It was so awesome and not in the "dude" sense. It was just everything I have ever wanted, just wonderful.

I got to kiss her too. I'm not even going to try and explain, well, ok, maybe I will..... It was so much more than physical, so much more. I kissed her not only because she is beautiful but because of who she is. Because we talked about everthing and the dog, because we could just sit and be and not be worried about anything.

I couldn't breathe. It was great.

Vanessa
I am so thankful for this girl. She is kickin'. I've been having such a hard time these last few weeks but she's always there to listen. Thats so important sometimes, just listening. It's very rare that someone can be found just to do that. A true blessing.

I love Vanessa and the fact that I get to hang out with her and spend the night in her dorm room. Its so much fun and such a release.

She gave me a kicking cd and I just found the coolest song about balance. Enjoy-

Back To The Middle
India.Arie

She is, twenty five, spent over half of her life
So afraid to speak her mind, it's such a shame
‘Cause what a brilliant mind she has

And now that she's been introduced to confidence
She doesn't see, that she is bordering on arrogance
When will she learn, to come back to the middle

He is, a young black man, grew up without his father
And now it falls into his hands, to protect his mother
‘Cause if he doesn't, well then who will, his older brother lives in fear
Of everything, especially, trying to fill his father's shoes

Respectively, they go to extremes, of masculine and feminine
Chasing dreams, but they keep on falling
‘Cause they don't know no balance
When will they learn, to come back to the middle

You gotta the good with the bad, and you might hit the wall
Sometimes you'll fly and sometimes you will fall
There isn't any way, to avoid the pain
But it's getting burned, that's how you will learn
To come back to the middle

Come back to the middle

Needing to protect your self now that is just a part of life
If you let your fears keep you from flying
You will never reach your height
To get to the top you must come back to the middle

When will we learn, to come back to the middle

Come back to the middle
Come back to the middle
Come back to the middle
Don't make no mind about falling down
‘Cause it's when you're in that valley
You can see both sides more clearly

Come back to the middle
Back to the middle
Back to the middle