A tightness in my chest, not really a tightness at all
It radiates out, flowing and oozing its way through my body
Confusion
Pain
Wonder
Why? WHY? WHY!?!
This doesn't make sense, this doesn't compute
How? How could this happen?
So lonely in this pain, so devastated by its touch
Its not this moment, or the next, or the first
It is the moment.
The moment that encompasses all of that pain
All of that wonder
It is every moment and it is one

Standing in the kitchen, staring out the window
At the cold, dark rain toppling towards the earth
Disconnected....
I don't understand......
it doesn't make sense
it doesn't make sense
it doesn't make sense
itdoesntmakesenseitdoesntmakesense
ITDOESNTMAKESENSE
...................

Why this pain? Why do we choose this?
Why do we hurt each other, why do we steal our souls?
Why do we destroy other's?
Jewish
Gay
Different
Religion
Fear

empty, its all so fucking empty....

We're all so fucking empty.........

We fill ourselves up with jobs and money and sex and drugs and this and that and your momma and all that jazz
We try and fix everyone else and everyone else and everyone else.........

Look in the mirror my friends, look in that fucking mirror
And you'll see you're empty.

Shit.

You're not empty...
I just think I am.

Sometimes its just this feeling,
Its just this moment taking over, this moment taking over...
It gets in you, it invades you it gets in your chest in your heart and you just feel so damn empty and that god damned emptiness spreads it swallows it takes you up and spits you out and it radiates, it fucken’ radiates

WHY?

Why is different bad? Why is the yin so god damned linked to that yang?
Why do we keep going back to that darkness when we can choose light?
Why?

Balance. Learning. Understanding. Yin and the Yang.
Sometimes I think everything I believe is complete shit.

Its not though. It makes sense. I can choose.

A tightness in my chest, not really a tightness at all
It relaxes slowly, releasing and letting itself go out of my body
Simplicity
Clarity
Wonder
I am. I AM. I AM!!!
This doesn't make sense, this doesn't compute
How? How could this happen?
It doesn't matter, it simply is
Its not this moment, or the next, or the first
It is the moment.
The moment that encompasses all that is
All of that wonder
It is every moment and it is one.

Wow, a million and one things have happened

Everything is crazy and new. I'm loving it. So much has happened since I last posted here. You can read a detailed account of it right hera if you would like to.

To make a shorter account, I went to Europe, had a lot of fun, learned alot of history and such things as well as about myself. Dealt with some weird emotions regarding family. Had fun. Sweetness.

I'm back and now I need to tell you a little bit about Bi-Regi. First of all, when I wrote my last post I was delirious, so not only did I miss spell half of what I wrote, but the induction statement is so messed up lol. I can't remember it now, its been a month *smiles* though I will write the one from conference down so I can correct my mistakes.

Bi-Regi was an amazing experience for me. I did my candidate talk over shame, bi-sexuality, the omniprescence of god and the divinity of man. I wrapped it all up by doing a little rap, "You can do it, if you put your mind to it." All of that in three minutes. It was great, I felt so empowered and wonderful. By the end of it I was just bursting with energy.

In the end Shands, Katrina, Eric and I were elected out of all of the beautiful candidates. I love that group so much. Their support for me has been wonderful. I am so stoked about the next year, knowing that I have the love of the YOU, the support of the Cabinet and five other wonderful people who are going to help me grow, learn and plan rallies with me. Its going to be the bomb digity my friends.

Analise and I have gone through yet another weird phase. I think she and I are through it. Isn't it amazing? We just chose to be in the moment and to live instead of defining everything. I'm proud of us. I'm glad that we are progressing on this seemingly everylasting emotional rollercoaster. Yay for us.

I really like this-

ForcesOfNature05: so, what makes you tick? :-P
dabopgk: rhythm, balance, hate, love, acceptance, rejection, the universe all swirled up into a little ball about the size of a marble and put in my hand. to be quite technical and even romantic at the same time, my heart makes me tick

The person asking this thoughtful question is Mayra, an amazing, wonderful, intelligent girl. I can't even begin to tell you all how much I like her. She is just awesome in the purest sense, not the dude sense. I feel lighter when I talk to her. Wow, I am lucky.

Something
The Beatles

Something in the way she moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way she woos me

I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe, and how

Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don't need no other lover
Something in her style that shows me

Don't want to leave her now
You know I believe, and how

You're asking me will my love grow
I don't know, I don't know
You stick around now it may show
I don't know, I don't know

Something in the way she knows
And all I have to do is think of her
Something in the things she shows me

Don't want to leave her now
You know I believe, and how