Doody Doody Dooooo

Just in case you were wondering....

I had a weird dream last night. Josh and I were walking down the streets of some big city trying to pick up guys and girls, Josh looking for guys and me, well of course, girls. Josh was once again my gay, happy, loving best friend. While walking down the busy street we ran into two girls, both named Rebecca, both similar in appearances, though neither related to each other or myself nor did they look anything like me. The two girls followed us onto a bus where Josh began is slow metamorphosis into a guy I know that goes to my church and my school: Chris. Also on the bus were my two brothers. Apparantly the bus was inactive, or at least appeared so. The six of us talked until Rebecca number three disappeared and number two and I began to make out heavily while the boys, though not particuarly paying attention to the girls making out, began to make rather sarcastic and witty commits about something. Rebecca and I continued as the bus began to move and travel farther away than we wanted to go from home. Suddenly, I pushed her away, exclaimed that I had a girlfriend, her name is Megan and that I had forgotten about her. She kissed me one more time and then she talked quietly with me as Chris, the new bus driver, began to drive to my house. I promised I would give her a ride home as I sat there shaking and looking at my treacherous hands. I then promptly awoke, close to tears and still shaking. It wasn't for another 45 minutes that I realized that it was a dream, only a dream, and that I had not betrayed Megan.

I miss Josh. In my dream he was laughing, really laughing. I don't know how long its been since I've seen him truly laugh.

The drama department had their One Act play contest today. They missed moving on by 19 seconds, those 19 seconds disqualified them. I almost cried again.

Actually, I did cry today. My favorite teacher, Dr. Bodiford, has fallen on hard times lately. My charismatic, comical, philisophical spanish professor has become a downtrodden, disgruntled and disheartened teacher who thinks his teaching has yet to make a difference in the world. He and my usual jovial conversation has become something much less; it has become nothing. On the days that I have his class, I go before school and talk to him for the thirty or forty minutes proceeding my class. Today as we sat in silence I could no longer sit and not talk. Emotion whelled inside of me as asked if it was only my class that had disappointed him and asked if I could do anything to help. I told him that he was a great teacher, that I missed his jokes and our conversations of Socrates and Aristotle, that I no longer wanted to come to a class that I had once loved. I stood there, across the room from a man whom I respect more than my father, looked him in the eyes and as mine began to mist I had to leave and go to "tutoring" for the last few minutes before the bell rang.

I'm going to give Dr. Bodiford a copy of Jonathan Livingston Seagull. He and I discussed it one day during class instead of learning a new vocabulary list. I think I might write him a note as well. I feel like he is the only one here that understands me, that understands why I don't fit here, why I am frusterated with the ignorance that surrounds me. He encourages me to be different, to stand out, to be me and to be me proudly. He has made a difference in my life.

I feel I have again lossed another friend...

Two months tomorrow. Wow. I have survived the turmoil of last year. I survived.

Rebecca
Pat McGee Band

Who's got all the answers to questions that Rebecca has?
She's been cluelessly wonderin just how long she's been had.
She knows more than you or me, she never thinks she's wrong
All the tables are turnin'
she's found herself hurtin for oh so long

Anybody out there want to help Rebecca find the clue to life?
I guess she's feels she was the victim, we are the knife
There is a price you pay when you put on that face and roll the dice
One day soon you'll realize the world ain't that nice

Are you alright? Are you ok?
Does anybody give a care around your way?
Will you be alright after we go?
Won't you tell me someday or I'll never know

Everybody knows that you can't read the writing on the wall so don't come in
Even you and I know you can't you don't want to start it all over again
Why don't you just travel down that line, cause we don't have to let you in
Well you seem to think you know it all, let me tell you something - you can't win

Are you alright? Are you ok?
Does anybody give a care around your way?
Will you be alright after we go?
Will you tell me someday or I'll never know

Hey Rebecca this is your pilot speaking and you're about to land.
I hope you get all your answers and you come to understand
That people and things are always going to change, you can't stop them now.
Will you look back and let me know then?

Are you alright? Are you ok?
Didn't anybody give a care around your way?
Will you be alright after we go?
Won't you tell me someday or I'll never know

Oh I'll never know
Oh I'll never know
Oh I'll never know

Hey Rebecca this is your pilot speaking and you're about to land.
Come to understand
You can't stop