I don't know what to title this......

God, it seems as if everything is happening right in this very moment to me. RIGHT NOW. I feel so frusterated and uptight lately and I don't know why. Well, I do, I'm allowing myself to feel this way, but still, it's not a nice feeling.

I'm still feeling weird about what Megan said the other night. I do realize that you, the reader, have no idea what she said. Sorry. I just don't feel like putting it on here. I digress. I'm not sure how I should take it or how I should react. All I know is that I like her immensely.

Analise, like Megan, is confusing me. I feel like I've really hurt Analise's feelings but I don't know in what way. She and my relationship is amazingly complex. We were best friends, she fell in love with me, told me, I fell in love with her, didn't tell her, she fell in love with Ricky, I told her I was in love with her, she chose Ricky, I was an ass for several months, she didn't talk to me, I apologized,she went back and forth between Ricky and I, she dumped Ricky, fell in love with me, dated me, fell out of love with me, dumped me and now we're attempting to become best friends again. It is quite a challenge. I, though she has forgiven me long ago, still blame myself for the majority of what happened. I shouldn't, I know, but I do. I don't understand my feelings for her, though I know that I don't want to date her or be *in love* with her. I'm just a tad bit confused on how she feels about me. I know that she doesn't *love* me, doesn't want to, and wants me to be her best friend. Thats all I understand. I was/am a bit confused about why she was so upset Monday night.

I wish that I could understand the two most important people in my life, but, alas, both girls escape me.

I am again feeling like I am tired of Joshua. Its such a horrible place sometimes. The worst is when I let it get me down and I add to the negativity. I did today. I apologize to everyone I brought down today, sleep deprivation is not a good thing for me.

I got my class ring today. It is very, very wonderful.

By the way, as of right now, I am 9th in my class. However, the counslers accidently didn't weight the classes correctly. Instead of weighting AP classes 10 points like the should, they only weighted them 5. Hopefully I'll move up in standing seeing as I am taking 3 and, besides Josh, I am the only one taking 3. That makes me very happy.

Speaking of Josh, I was very rude to him today. I don't know why, but he has been getting on my nerves more than usual. If you read this Josh, I'm sorry.

I have this huge list of wants right now. I want this, I want that... I need to be content with where I am. Its ok to want, its just not benefical to dwell on those wants.

Soak Up The Sun
Sheryl Crow

My friend the communist
Holds meetings in his RV
I can't afford his gas
So I'm stuck here watching TV

I don't have digital
I don't have diddly squat
It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got
I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up
I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna soak up the sun

I've got a crummy job
It don't pay near enough
To buy the things it takes
To win me some of your love

Every time I turn around
I'm looking up, you're looking down
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do

I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up
I'm gonna soak up the sun
While it's still free
I'm gonna soak up the sun
Before it goes out on me

Don't have no master suite
I'm still the king of me
You have a fancy ride, but baby
I'm the one who has the key

Every time I turn around
I'm looking up, you're looking down
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
Maybe I am crazy too

I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up

I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up

I'm gonna soak up the sun
Got my 45 on
So I can rock on