Long time no write....

Wow, its been awhile. I've been super busy with Y.O.U., band, cross country and all of my classes. The last couple weeks have been a challenge but I'm still here, still strong.

Rally
First of all, rally kicked. It was just amazing how well everything went. We had a few minor problems, but we got them cleared up quickly and, I believe, without hurt feelings.

I led my first meditation during Katrina and my workshop. I wasn't nervous, or really concerned though. I think its because I took the time to really center myself and get ready for it. I need to take more time to get centered. I'm going to start using prayer beads.

Now that rally is over, I'm kind of at a loss and at the same completely filled. I'm not sure what my job as a regi is now but I am now satisfied at how gorgeous the rally was. Everyone just made it so great. I am so blessed and thankful for everything I learned that weekend.

You are not alone
You are not alone
You are not alone
I am here with you

I cry when I sing that now. Its a good thing.

Band
It was amazing when I got back from rally. I walked in on Tuesday morning and I heard from the back corner of the band hall "YAY!!!!! Beccas Back!!!!!!!!!!" It was very strange.

As the day and the week continued on, my section began to tell me that they had missed me and that they had such a hard time without me. All of my directors welcomed me back and told me that it had been chaotic without me. The parents that help the pit move stuff before/during/after the show came up to me just to tell me that they were glad I was back because the pit lost something when I was gone. They said I made the pit have an edge to it, some life to it and that they were greatful for it.

It felt nice.

I now know that they realize how hard I work and how much extra time I spend up at the band hall. I know they appreciate all of the effort and heart I put in. It was very cool.

So now, I know I'm appreciated and its great, but I still stand by myself in the corner. People still don't really talk to me. I need to step out of my box and try to make some friends again. Its so hard but I can do it. Wait, its NOT hard. I can do it, there is no need to worry about it. I am whole, complete and wonderful. No worries.

Mayra
That girl is riveting. Just being around her leaves me spellbound. I got to spend an hour with her last night while Vanessa dropped Shands off at his house and got cookies.

We talked about religion, spirituality, music, school, band, life, everything and the dog. It was so awesome and not in the "dude" sense. It was just everything I have ever wanted, just wonderful.

I got to kiss her too. I'm not even going to try and explain, well, ok, maybe I will..... It was so much more than physical, so much more. I kissed her not only because she is beautiful but because of who she is. Because we talked about everthing and the dog, because we could just sit and be and not be worried about anything.

I couldn't breathe. It was great.

Vanessa
I am so thankful for this girl. She is kickin'. I've been having such a hard time these last few weeks but she's always there to listen. Thats so important sometimes, just listening. It's very rare that someone can be found just to do that. A true blessing.

I love Vanessa and the fact that I get to hang out with her and spend the night in her dorm room. Its so much fun and such a release.

She gave me a kicking cd and I just found the coolest song about balance. Enjoy-

Back To The Middle
India.Arie

She is, twenty five, spent over half of her life
So afraid to speak her mind, it's such a shame
‘Cause what a brilliant mind she has

And now that she's been introduced to confidence
She doesn't see, that she is bordering on arrogance
When will she learn, to come back to the middle

He is, a young black man, grew up without his father
And now it falls into his hands, to protect his mother
‘Cause if he doesn't, well then who will, his older brother lives in fear
Of everything, especially, trying to fill his father's shoes

Respectively, they go to extremes, of masculine and feminine
Chasing dreams, but they keep on falling
‘Cause they don't know no balance
When will they learn, to come back to the middle

You gotta the good with the bad, and you might hit the wall
Sometimes you'll fly and sometimes you will fall
There isn't any way, to avoid the pain
But it's getting burned, that's how you will learn
To come back to the middle

Come back to the middle

Needing to protect your self now that is just a part of life
If you let your fears keep you from flying
You will never reach your height
To get to the top you must come back to the middle

When will we learn, to come back to the middle

Come back to the middle
Come back to the middle
Come back to the middle
Don't make no mind about falling down
‘Cause it's when you're in that valley
You can see both sides more clearly

Come back to the middle
Back to the middle
Back to the middle