*Smiles at self*

I wish at times that I could put an artistic flare of some kind of my writing. You know, just a combination of words, a symphony of diction that intrigues the reader. It seems at times that my mind is a thesaurus thats stuck on one page. I want and need so badly to express myself, of course making it impossible to form the words eloquently enough to truly convey my ideas.

Any way, I wasn't actually intending to write anything about thought process tonight, but as I thought about what I wanted to write, I realized how futile it seemed. No worries. I actually wanted to write that I had an epiphany today. I was sitting in the stands at the UIL Marching Contest, in which my band got a first division rating which continues us on to area, and I finally realized that I am terrified of not being accepted. After so many years of being pushed away and made fun of, I've begun hiding at school. Perhaps not hiding, but secluding myself. I live my life trying to be as true to myself as possible, I don't compromise who I am for other's opinions. However, I've begun not to share myself with a large, and I mean LARGE number of people at my school because I am so terrified of rejection. I can't just go sit with a large group of people or approach people that I know without getting a sick feeling in my stomach. I feel as if I don't belong and that I am not worthy of having a decent conversation. It hurts and now I know why, so now I can change and choose my own destiny.

Merry Christmas.