*YAY*

Guess what?????????? Austinites love me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially this one. Celeen has to be the most amazing person I have ever met in my entire life. She is wise and kind, humble and proud, friendly and strong. I have never, in the year that I've known her, seen her be mean or deceitful. This girl is absolutely amazing. I'm not just writing this because she said some nice stuff about me either *blushes*. I'm writing this because this girl kicks major booty. And I get to see her next weekend. In ONE, did I say ONE, week I get to hang out with this girl for three days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell that I'm happy? Word *smiles*.


I Want To Hold Your Hand
The Beatles

Oh yeah, I'll tell you something,
I think you'll understand.
When I'll say that something
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.

Oh please, say to me
You'll let me be your man
And please, say to me
You'll let me hold your hand.
Now let me hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.

And when I touch you I feel happy inside.
It's such a feeling that my love
I can't hide, I can't hide, I can't hide.

Yeah, you've got that something,
I think you'll understand.
When I'll say that something
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.

And when I touch you I feel happy inside.
It's such a feeling that my love
I can't hide, I can't hide, I can't hide.

Yeh, you've got that something,
I think you'll understand.
When I'll feel that something
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.

*EEP*

Crappers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My birthday is next week and so is rally!!!!!!!!!! I had no idea......... I knew they were both coming up but I forgot how soon they were coming up. I haven't even made a birthday list yet. I guess I better start now aye?

Becca's B-Day list
(for mommy and daddy only, the rest of you give me lots and lots of hugs instead!!!)

Cd's
Let Go, Avril Lavigne
SUPERKALA, Course of Nature
Bang Bang, Dispatch
Songs From An American Movie- Volume 1, Everclear
New Miserable Experince, Gin Blossoms
Inside Wants Out, John Mayer
Nickel Creek, Nickel Creek
This Side, Nickel Creek
No More Doubt/2.0, Stephen Speaks
Doubting Thomas, Stephen Speaks
Greatest Hits, Sublime
Sister Hazel, Sister Hazel
Somewhere More Familar, Sister Hazel
Fortress, Sister Hazel
Come On Come On, Sheryl Crow
Greatest Hits, Tom Petty and the Heart Breakers
Collection, Tracy Chapman
Tracy Chapman, Tracy Chapman
Anything by Tori Amos (I've heard she's quite good but I've never heard her...)

Other stuff
Pants
A pack of burning Cds
Phone card
Someone to teach me how to drive my standard car!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, and thats about it. Gosh, I sound pretty needy..... The majority of those cds my parents won't be able to find, a lot of them are off the wall weird bands. I love them *grins*. But, yeah, thats a wish list, not an I'll get list. *Snaps fingers*

I'm still going out with Becky. I'm giving her one last chance. I hope I've made a decent decision. If I haven't then I guess I'll just learn the hard way. *shrugs*

Sorry that I haven't been writing anything of content lately. I'm going to start soon, I swear!!! I'm about to start working on a piece about my big brother and how amazing he is. Lots of fun stuff if you ask me, plus it should make decent reading.

Good Bless!!!

Birthday Song
Bob Dole

This is the birthday song
It isn't very long
HEY!!!

So, what would YOU do with a purple hippopatomus???

Yeah, I know, that isn't spelled right. I'm to lazy to look it up *grins*.

Becky cheated on me last night with Amy. She told me this morning. What am I supposed to do????

Here's my take on it-

She cheated on you- dump her ass and don't give her another thought.
It was only one kiss, its not the end of the world.
How can you trust her if when she's not with you she can't resist a girl like Amy?
You care so much about her, forgive and forget.
Forgive and forget, exactly that, forget about her!!!
She's sorry, really sorry, she's been crying all day and you know it.
It's not the first time she's hurt you for Amy.
She's wonderful.....
Poop.
You can say that again....

I really don't know what I should do, though I know what I want to do. I want to forgive her and just forget about it, but I don't want to go through this again. POOP.


Inside Out
Eve 6

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rhines
But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside
I would swallow my doubt
Turn it inside out
Find nothing but faith in nothing
Want to put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous then I'm through with you

I burn burn like a wicker cabinet
Chalk white and oh so frail
I see our time had gotten stale

The tick tock of the clock is painful
All sane and logical
I want to tear it off the wall

I hear words in clips and phrases
I think sick like ginger ale
My stomach turns and I exhale

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rhines
But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside
I would swallow my doubt
Turn it inside out
Find nothing but faith in nothing
Want to put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous then I'm through with you

So Cal is where my mind states
But it's not my state of mind
I'm not as ugly sad as you

Or am I origami
Folded up and just pretend
Demented as the motives in your head

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rhines
But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside
I would swallow my doubt
Turn it inside out
Find nothing but faith in nothing
Want to put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous then I'm through with you

I alone am the one you don't know
You need take heed feed your ego
Make me blind when your eyes close
Sink when you get close tie me to the bedpost

I alone am the one you don't know
You need you don't know you need me.
Make me blind when your eyes close,
Tie me to the bed post

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rhines
But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside
I would swallow my doubt
Turn it inside out
Find nothing but faith in nothing
Want to put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous then I'm through with you

DOG!!!!!!!!!

*Shakes head* We now have a puppy. We got her yesterday and I believe, though I'm not sure, that her name is Zoe.

Can I, if I may, simply say, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Why thank you.

She is quite cute, but this is a little crazy. Oh well, everyone knows that the Williams' are crazy........

The Purple Cow
Gelett Burgess

I never saw a purple cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one.

A Bit Confused

Yes, again, I am confused about love. About how it is defined and what it is and how it feels and when it happens and how you know when you're in it. And when you're out of it.

Why does Analise's memory stay with me all the time? Well, not all the time, but a lot of it. Why can't Becky be as wonderful and as perfect in my eyes as Analise once was? She is just as deserving, just as beautiful. Why do I have to talk to Becky about Analise? Why am I not over this?

This is so frusterating. I know that I hurt Becky's feelings whenever I mention Analise and yet I can't help but compare the two relationships. Its not fair to anyone involved. Becky is wonderful and beautiful and she loves me. I don't love her, and I don't love Analise, but I don't know how I feel for either. If Becky was to walk away from me right now I would have lost something amazing and perfect in my life. Yet, everytime Analise talks of Daniel I feel this wave of hurt and confusion wash over me. I am jealous, though I'm not sure why. I've got a beautiful, wonderful girlfriend who really does love me and sometimes I think I really love her and at other times I am just infatuated. Either is ok, there is not a thing wrong with either, but I just wish it was more clear cut.

I get worried about Becky sometimes. She's had such a hard life. I think that her parents beat her, though I'm not sure. She's always so afraid of being in trouble. She definatly has her own idiosyncrasies. She's afraid of being caught alone with me, afraid of being alone, afraid of losing me (to who???), just afraid of so many things. I wish I could take all that away from her, to make her strong, to make her ok with being herself. I care about her so much, I just don't know if I love her. I think I do, but then I don't......

I feel emotionaly drained. Baby dog is gone, I can't figure out what to do about those two girls, my mom was angry at me, I'm sick, I'm exausted and I'm craving sugar which will only make things worse. I know that I only need to learn from these situations, though I wish I could look up the answers in the index and turn right to the page where all of the answers are. I wish.

Green and Gray
Nickel Creek

I’m in a room full of people,
Hanging on one person’s breath
We would all vote him
Most likely to be loved to death

I hope he still wants it
But it might remind him of when
He aimed for the bulls eye and
Hit it nine times out of ten

That one time his hand slipped
And I saw the dart sail away
I don’t know where it landed
But I’m guessing between green and gray

Well I thought nothing of it
But it still haunts him like a ghost
With all eyes upon him
Except two that matter the most

He says
Green is the color that everyone
Sees all around me
Gray is the color
I see around her, she’s just a blur

The more the crowd cheers
The less I can hear
When they don’t really
Care what I play

It might be for her
But for now its between green and gray

We paid and we cheered now were gone
And to us that feels right
But for him everyone of those
Evenings turns into the night

With another hotel room
Where he lays awake to pretend
That he’s doing fine with his
Notebook and disc man for friends

He says
Green is the color that everyone
Sees all around me
Gray is the color
I see around her, she’s just a blur

Night after night while I hear what I write
Fills the room and my head starts to sway
Might be for her but for now
It’s between green and gray

I want you to love me
He whispers unable to speak
And he wonders aloud why
Feelings so strong make the body so weak

Then he awoke
Now he’s scared to death that
Somebody heard,
If it was you and you know
Please don’t say a word

Baby Dog

I woke up this morning and walked into the living room. My mom was sitting on the couch and my dad was standing at the door. My mom looked at our dog, Baby, whom we've had for at least 13 years, and said to say good bye. Ouch.

It's so strange and hard to let go. You cry and you think, caught up in emotion. Sometimes it's slightly hard to breathe and to process what is going on around you. Gosh, I'll miss Baby, she was a wonderful dog. All that I can do now is to know she has returned back to God, to Good, to Energy. I love you Baby dog.

Letting go has never been one of my strong points and to tell the truth I haven't had to let go of many of my dear ones. One friend commited sucide. One person that I knew from Elementary school was accidentally shot by his little brother. I've lost cats and dogs and fish and birds and rats. I lost my great grandma, though I never knew her. It's still hard though, for all of them. They were once a shining light here on earth but are no longer on this plain of existance. They are still part of me.


Remember
Christina Georgina Rossetti

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or to pray.
Yet if you should forget me for awhile
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

I stole this from Christopher David Vogel, a dear friend of mine and a dear friend of Josh's. At one point Josh was quite infatuated with the Chris. I thought it was cute *smiles*.

* Starting Time: 7:11 p.m. *lol, thats a bit amusing*
* Name On Birth Certificate: Rebecca Claire Williams
* Nicknames: Becca, Bopper, DaBop, Sis, Purple Cow, Green Band Bottom Monkey, and very rarely, Rebecca
* Age: 16
* Birthday: December 4, 1985
* School: Joshua High
* Colour of eyes: Hazel
* Height: 5'11''
* Shoe Size: 10
* Brothers/Sisters: Ben and Zack
* Who lives with you: Mommy, Daddy and Zack
* When's your bedtime?: 7 p.m.-2 a.m.

------------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------
* Been so drunk you blacked out: Nope
* Missed school B/coz it was raining: Yeah, but it was so bad that school was actually cancled that day!!!
* Put a body part on fire for amusement: Not for amusement, my arm just kind of caught on fire.
* Kept a secret from everyone: Nope, never *winks*.
* Had an imaginary friend: Does my teddy bear count?
* Wanted to hook up with a friend: Oh heck yeah.
* Cried during a Movie: Yeppers.
* Had a crush on a teacher: No, but I know one that would be the perfect husband, I just don't want him.
* Ever thought an animated character was hot: Meh, I guess...
* Had a New Kids on the Block tape: Nope.
* Been on stage: Yeah, a couple times.
* Cut your own hair: HAHAHAHAHA, yeah, not well though.
* Been sarcastic: DUH.
------------------FAVORITES------------------
* Shampoo: Herbal Essences.
* Soap: Vibrant Citrius or some poo like that. It smells great!!!
* Color: Blue and Red
* Day/Night: Early, early morning.
* Summer/Winter: Meh.
* Lace or satin: Satin.
* Cartoon Characters: I don't really watch tv.....
* Fave Food: Italian
* Fave Advertisement: Yeah, no tv.
* Fave Ice Cream: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
* Fave Subject: People
* Fave Drink: Limeades from Sonic.

-------------RIGHT NOW------------------
* Wearing: Black boots, white socks, tight blue jeans, a cross country shirt, leather jacket, Micky Mouse wave ying yang hat and undies.
* Hair is: In a pony tail pulled through the hole in the back of the hat.
* I'm feeling: Lonely, confused and content.
* Eating: Chicken.
* Drinking: Milk
* Thinking: I want to be alone with Becky now so that we can talk things out.
* Listening to: Jill Sobule- I Kissed A Girl
* Talking to: Celeen, Chris and Mikey, in alphabetical order lol.
----IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------
* Cried: Nope.
* Worn a skirt: Nope.
* Met someone new: Nope.
* Cleaned your room: Nope.
* Drove a car: Yep.

---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN------------------
* Yourself: Majority of the time.
* Your friends: Yeah, I try to.
* Santa Claus: The spirit of giving but not the reality of the person.
* Tooth Fairy: Not really.
* Destiny/Fate: Divine order, so yes but not.
* Angels: Energy.
* Ghosts: Energy.
* UFO's: Energy.

---------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------
* Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: Girlfriend.
* Who have you known the longest: My mommy and daddy and big bubba.
* Who's the shyest: Donovan
* Who's the weirdest: That weird girl who plays drums while she thinks.
* Who do you go to for advice: Saska, Celeen, Rose Anne, Analise, Vanessa, Shandsamapoo, and Cason.
* Who do you cry with: I don't really cry with anyone, its more of a solitary action for me.
* When did you cry the most: Last year.
* What's the best feeling in the world: Clarity.
* Worst Feeling: Negativity.
* Finish time: 7:37 p.m.

Animosity

I have that semi-sick feeling in my stomach once again. It is once again over a girl. However, this is not just any girl, this is Becky.

Last time I posted I was completely infatuated with Donovan. Since then I have talked to him and I have been turned down. I let that ride on my shoulders for a few hours and then I shook it off, only to find once again a beautiful, seductive Becky looking me in the eyes. I decided to give her another chance and began to talk to her again. By Tuesday night I had kissed her, though not very well *winks*, and by Wednesday night she and I were together again. Thursday after school she broke up with me. Now, this wasn't random, I guess it was for a decent reason. Her best friend is *in love* with me and when Stephanie, the friend, found out, she began to cry. Becky felt amazingly bad and broke things off with me. I blew up and spent the rest of the night fighting/apologizing with Stephanie and talking to Amy and Keri. The next day Becky wrote me a long heart felt letter apologizing for what happened. She didn't ask for another chance or anything like that, she just said that when she was with me, she had everything she wanted. Those words melted my anger and the next time I saw her I asked her out, yet again. She said yes. She came to the football game last night to watch me play in the band and even risked being seen as a *geek* to eat with me during third quarter. Lol. It was nice.

Yeah, now back to that animosity feeling. I don't know if Becky can stay true to anyone...... She's technically not been a very *good* girl in physical relationships. She told me that she usually makes out with 2 to 3 people when she goes to parties, regardless of who she's *with* at the time. She did also promise that she wouldn't do that to me. I don't know if I can trust her. This is the 4th time for her and I to go out, and frankly, all of my friends are angry at me because of it. They think that she's using me, and she very well could be, but I don't think she is. The situation looks bad, but they don't know the whole story. They don't feel the electricity when she and I are together. Its nice *smiles*. I'm trying just to blow this feeling off and believe that she is doing what she promised, I'm trying to not make this an issue before it is one. I really, really do like her.....



Falling In Love Again
Eagle Eye Cherry

Well I’m so tired
Of falling in love
Finding it easier to fall out
You can’t deny it
I feel it inside Cupid’s fire
I can’t hide

But I’m falling in love again
Ain’t nothing I can do
Falling in love again
Girl this time it’s with you
When I fall
It’s always the same
And I’m so tired
Of playing this game

It’s been so long now
Since I gave up my heart
I’ve kept it locked down
I don’t wanna get it harmed
So let me tell you now
I just want to be sure
That you won’t hurt me
Can you promise me that

Because I’m falling in love again
Ain’t nothing I can do
Falling in love again
Girl this time it’s with you
When I fall
It’s always the same
And I’m so tired
Of playing this game

You got to tell me
If you’re going to break my heart
‘Cos I don’t wanna take the chance
And if it ain’t true
All it’s gonna be
Is nothing but a poor romance
So give me that promise to hold on
And I’ll never let you go
We gotta have something to go on
Or I’m letting you know now

I’m falling in love again
Ain’t nothing I can do
Falling in love again
Girl this time it’s with you
When I fall
It’s always the same
And I’m so tired
Of playing this game
Falling in love again (repeat)