So much to say

There is just so much going on in my life right now. Band and school and relationships and soccer and studying and lack of sleep and patience and breathing and anger and peace. There is an amazing amount of things going on in my life.

Sometimes I hate band and yet sometimes I know I couldn't live without it. Its so hard to be a leader in band. The drummers just don't want to listen to me and yet I have as much experince as anyone in the entire band. I'm only a junior but I was in band my eighth grade year so I have the knowledge of a senior. I've played just as long as Garrett, the only senior on the line, and yet I still get no respect. The freshman think they know more than I do. Its so very frusterating. On the other hand, last night was awesome. It was raining at the game so the woodwinds, the clarinets, saxs, flutes and the like, couldn't play and it was left up to the percussionists and the brass. We played all of our cadences at least four or five times. We sang and jumped around and played and it was the most fun I had ever had. It was great.

School is going decently. I'm doing a lot better in AP Bio which makes me happy beyond words. I really want to do well in that class. I need to work on AP History a little, but I can pull that up easy. History comes easily to me. AP English really isn't a challenge unless we're doing grammer and I'm working on that so that grade should be coming up. Pre-Cal is boring me and I think my teacher really dislikes me. I'm sorry if math doesn't excite me, its just so monotonous. Integrated Physics and Chemistry is the easiest class I have this year, including band, athletics and Spanish. Its a blow off class. School is going decently.

Relationship wise I'm a little confused. Josh, my ex-best friend, and I have kind of patched things up after a first couple rocky weeks of school. Its nice not to have to avoid him, especially because we have almost all of our classes together. Becky is being a bum. On Wednesday she told me she wants me to make the first move and then on Thursday, when she and I were given a chance to be by ourselves, she told me that she didn't want me to, that she didn't want a relationship. I said ok but before I left I hugged her from behind and kissed her on the top of the head. She then told one of my friends that it was the sweetest thing in the world and that she got the chills when I did it. GOD!!! Make up your mind girl!!! Analise and I are talking more and that makes me feel so much better but sometimes it makes me feel a little bit worse. I miss her friendship but I just feel amazingly weird when she talks about Daniel. It makes me feel a bit sick. Saska continues to be my saviour, I love her so much. She is such a stable person to fall back on and she knows she has that in me too, so it makes the relationship even better. And then there is Donovan. I think if I was given the chance, given two days with him, I would fall head over heels in love with him. I like him so, so much. I wish he liked me too. Daniel, not Analise's Daniel, but another Daniel I know from rally, told me Friday morning at 3:30 that he really wished that he and I could date. Daniel was drunk and he lives in Austin, so I don't know what to think about that. I think I would probably date the guy, even though he's in college and a LOT more *experinced* than I am. For that matter, I believe Becky is almost that experinced, if not as experinced. Well, that is with guys, not with girls. I really wish she would give me a chance.

Yeah, so all of those emotions are wrapped up in my life. I've had some pretty extreme emotions in the last week. I guess thats just life.

I have one more person to talk about- Casen. That boy has helped keep me sane the past couple days. Thank you Casen, even though I know you don't read this, you are a huge blessing in my life.

Never is Enough
Barenaked Ladies

What, am I to wake up suddenly and then
enroll at the local college, earn me a degree
and I could work weekends?
If I've worked real hard
I could mow your back yard

I can go to Europe, travel with my friends
I can blow a thousand deutsche marks
to get drunk in a pub with some Australians
Buy a giant backpack
sew a flag on the back

I think never is enough (yeah never is enough)
I never want to do that stuff
I think never is enough (yeah never is enough)
You never have to do that stuff

I never had to spend a summer planting trees
I never worked my way through a forest inch by inch
doubled over on my hands and knees
I never spent a single day in retail
telling people what they want to hear
telling people anything to make a sale
Eating in the food court
with the old and the bored

I think never is enough (yeah never is enough)
I never want to do that stuff
I think never is enough (yeah never is enough)
You never have to do that stuff

The worlds your oyster shell
But what's that funny smell
You eat the bivalve anyway
you're sick with salmonella
You get your Ph.D
How happy you will be
When you get a job at Wendy's
And are honored with employee of the month

I think never is enough (yeah never is enough)
I never want to do that stuff
I think never is enough (yeah never is enough)
You never have to do that stuff