Ouch.....

I pulled my quads (thats a muscle in your upper forleg for those of you that don't know) on both legs today. I'm in immense pain.

So, yeah, Erin wrote me a letter and she was absoultely right. I am indecisive and I am afraid of commitment. Oh, and well even though she didn't say this, I'm still in love with Analise, or at least it feels that way.

Sheeesh, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel anymore. I guess that I'm not supposed to feel anything, just be, no expectations.

That is so hard.

I really need some closure with Analise, I need for this to feel like its over, because it doesn't right now. I want and need to be done with this romantic relationship. Damn it.

Donovan is so wonderful, I just wish he would touch me. I don't think a lot of you understand how shy this boy is. The first time we held hands was prom, that was two weeks ago and it also was the last time we held hands. He hasn't initiated any physicality between the two of us in the last two weeks and it is very frusterating. And, even if I try to lean on him or put my head on his shoulder, he doesn't put his arm around me or touch me any in way. This is left me feeling very deprived and lonely.

Joshua has a supreme lack of decent boys to date *happened to grab the last good one*, but on the other hand, they have a multitude of girls who are wonderfully dateable, in fact, they are even gorgeous and intelligent. They all are so amazing and it is so hard to concentrate around them. I tutor a girl in math and everytime I bend over to look at her paper and then look at her to explain, I can't help but burn to kiss her. Its the same with Rose. She is so insecure in herself and she always comes to me for support. I can't but help feel drawn to her. I don't think that I would feel attracted to all of these girls if Donovan and I were closer, physically and mentally.

Now, when I'm talking about being physically close to Donovan or to anyone really, I don't mean get into their pants or make out with them. I mean that I want to be able to hold their hand or lean against them or feel comfortable randomly flopping down next to then and snuggling. Thats really all I want right now and its frusterating that he feels so uncomfortable doing so.

I am so tired and my the muscles in my legs feel as if they are pulling apart.

Good Bless.