Grrrrrrrrrrrrrh

My mother drives me nuts. I was up until twelve last night downloading things for her and I accidently messed up on one of them and she started screaming at me. That escelated into a huge fight and now I'm grounded from my car and the computer. I'm at school right now so thats the only reason I'm writing. Oh well.

I'm having a difficult time right now with the whole finding a significant other. Its not that I have to have one, but that I would like to have one. It seems that all of the girls that I'm attracted to are either straight or they live eight hundred miles away. I finally told Danielle that I have a crush on her and she said it was cool, as long as we're just going to be friends. I guess thats the way it should be but its very strange to be rejected, even in the friendliest sort of way. I'm so use to having everyone want me that for her to say no last night was a real shock. And then there's Saska. Gosh, I miss her. I really wish she and I lived closer to each other because I would either have an amazing friend or an amazing girlfriend. I just can't do the long distance thing so I'm trying to leave it alone and its very hard not to think of her. She and I were in the same host family at service and we ended up sleeping next to each other both nights. It was very pleasant and reassuring.

Now that I think of it, I haven't told you all about service rally. The drive down there was ok, though I rode with the Grapevine chapter instead of Funky Town. I didn't really know anyone in the car except for Megan and I felt it was a little bit awkard. When we got there I was so happy. I spent the entire night with Saska, Matt and Vanessa. Matt lead a really awesome and thought provoking workshop and then we got split up into family groups. Matt and I were leaders together and he was still finishing up his administrative work while I was desperatly attempting to find my bag. I had put it in the Ft. Worth car and they had arrived later than Grapvince and no one had taken my bag out of the car. It was a tad bit upsetting but I managed to focus and decide that it was ok. Family group was fun and I was excited to find that Bruce, the Central regional consultant, was in there along with Vivi, Mark, Mackenzie, Whit, Miles, Matt, myself and *eep* a sponser who's name I can't remember now. I knew it five minutes ago..... Anyways, he was cool and family group one went well. Saska and I then headed of to our host family which was an amazing woman named Wendy. She was once a YOUer and a regi so we all had a lot to talk about. Wendy was awesome and we all stayed up talking until about one in the morning.

The next day we went back to the church and Ft. Worth led joy songs. I also told a really funny joke about elephants that you need to hear. Ask me about it some time. After that we danced and waited for it to be time to go do the service. Oh, and somewhere in there my clothes arrived and I got to change out of the nasty clothes I had been wearing for two days. It was great. Finally we bused over to the park and began to pick up trash. I helped for about a half hour before the pain became unbearable and then I walked around and held trash bags. By the time lunch break rolled around I was feeling really depressed, though talking with Matt and Saska helped. After lunch we moved into the forest and started clearing out paths. I felt completely helpless and useless but all of the loving wonderful people around me cheered me up. I was amazed at the amount of support and love that I recieved, it really helped me find the good in the situation. The good was that I got to go around and watch everyone work, watch how they helped each other and watch them rejoice whenever they met a goal. It was really fufilling.

After working we went to the YMCA to take showers and then we went back for siesta to the church. Matt played his native american flute yet again and I secretly played with him on my legs. It was really great to jam with him and I can't wait until I can play my drum so that we can lay down some serious rhythm. We ate dinner and hung out and then Saska led her workshop on the twelve powers. They did it in a really interesting way and I think you should all ask her about it. I loved it.

Next was family group and heart talk. While everyone else was talking Bruce did energy work on me and it was very interesting. I don't know really how to describe it, though later, when he explained it to me, it made a lot more sense. I talked at heart talk and then everyone gave fuzzies and we went home to host families. Once again we stayed up late talking and had a blast laughing.

Sunday morning was the service, which I found very empowering, and my conversation with Bruce about the energy work. He definatly opened some old wounds and helped me realize places where I could work. I am so greatful to him about that. Lunch at CiCi's and then I had to leave my loved ones and come back to Ft. Worth. I miss them. They were wonderful and even when I was depressed they loved me anyways. It was great.

Well, the bell is about to ring so I'm out. Don't forget that I'm grounded, though I don't know for how long. I'll let you all know sometime. Good Bless.