Blah Blah Blah

I think I'm pretty much done talking to Erin and I mean that strictly in a relationship sense. She said she wished I hadn't called last night so I guess I won't call. The more I talk to her, the less she says and the more frusterated I get. I do realize that my choice is what caused all of this and I'm ok with that. I guess if she doesn't want to talk to me, I won't talk to her. When she is ready to talk to me she will, if she never is, well, that sucks, but its how it is. So it goes.

I want a Nine Days cd.... Just really a reminder for me btw.

Sometimes I feel like people glorify me, like they blow up who I am into this magnificent picture of who they want me to be for them. *I'm not talking about one person in particular, I'm talking of a lot of people I've dated and lot of people who I've met* It drives me nuts sometimes. I don't want to be a savior, I don't want to be the only thing that can help. I want to be funny, laughable, intelligent Rebecca, or Becca, who people like and respect. I don't want to help, I want to be. I don't want to be the answer, I don't want to be your cure, but I will be your friend, I will be your lover. Don't expect me to be someone amazing or spectacular. Expect me to be me. I'll try to do the same.

So..... my arms hurt like a mofo. Yeah, its really getting that bad, in fact, I really shouldn't be typing this but this hurts less than hold a book or a piece of paper or a pen. Isn't that horrible? I don't think I'm going to be able to play drums next year, this is just hurting to badly. I don't know what I'm going to do at service rally, I doubt I'll be able to do service with my feet...

God this hurts....

Well, I have to go, the pain is getting unbearable and I've yet to eat, which hurts as well. I miss talking to all of you online, but I just can't take it. Give me a call if you would like, it would probably make me smile *winks*.

Beautiful Day
U2

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There's no room
No space to rent in this town

You're out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you're not moving anywhere

You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It's a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

You're on the road
But you've got no destination
You're in the mud
In a maze of her imagination

You love this town
Even if that doesn't ring true
You've been all over
And it's been all over you

It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
It's a beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me love
I know I'm not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China, right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out

See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood, all the colors came out

It was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have, you don't need it now
What you don't know, you can feel it somehow
What you don't have, you don't need it now
Don't need it now
It was a beautiful day