Hi, my name is Rebecca, and I have a problem....

Last summer at Bi-Regi, I found I had a problem with putting other things before me and before my better good. I would put people, homework, commitment, anything and everything before my own sanity. If you couldn't figure that it out, that didn't work well for me. In fact, it made my life a painful misery in which all I did was everything but take care of myself and complain to my closest friends about how I felt empty. With the help of my beautiful girlfriend of the time, Analise, my YOU regional consultant, Bruce, and one of my dearest friends, Donna, I began the long road of being just to be me. It was hard for the first couple months, hard not to wonder what my friends and loved ones were thinking, hard to say that I needed to take a break when the pressure was just to much. I did it though, I found the strength within myself and I decided that I could do it. I could be, I could be happy, content, without anyone else's help. And I was, for a while. Life got harder, I got busier. I began to feel contemptous for those around me. Anyone could get on my nerves if they, or really I, wasn't careful.

During school was, and still is, the hardest. If someone doesn't understand what I take to be a simple concept, I feel like I am wasting my time with them, when, in all actuality, I am not even involved with them and I am wasting my time being hyper critical and unkind. No one ever seems good enough to me, I reject people almost instantly.

I have started to jump to snap judgements, to criticize without reason or justifications. I've begun to use egotism as a form of humor, and though at times it can be very funny, I've taken it to heart. I am an amazing person, but I am no better than the next person. I am no worse. I simply am and with my actions lately I have been preventing other people from simply being.

JUST BE; NO EXPECTATIONS

Deep down I am a kind and accepting person and I am willing to share that with everyone. I just have to smother my cynicism and allow my true love for life and for people to shine.

And get more sleep.

Two Points For Honesty
Guster

If that's all that you will be
Then you'll be a waste of time
You've dreamed a thousand dreams
None seem to stick in your mind

Two points for honesty
It must make you sad to know that
Nobody cares at all

I want to be where I've never been before
I want to be there and then I'd understand
Know I'm right and do it right
Could I get to be like that
How to know what I don't know
Nothing more to gain

Will I get better or stay the same?
I find I always move too slowly
Can't lift a finger
Can't change my mind
I never knew till someone told me that

If that's all that you will be
Then you'll be a waste of time
You've dreamed a thousand dreams
None seem to stick in your mind

Two points for honesty
It must make you sad to know that
Nobody cares at all

And all the people who've seen it all before
And all the people who already understand
Know they're right
and done it right
Could I get to be like that?
I don't know and I don't know
It's harder everyday

Can't lift a finger
Can't hurt a fly
I find I always move too slowly
One thing's for certain
I'm insecure
I never knew till someone told me that

If that's all that you will be
Then you'll be a waste of time
You've dreamed a thousand dreams
None seem to stick in your mind

Two points for honesty
It must make you sad to know that
Nobody cares at all
Nobody cares at all
They never cared at all