Ev'ry where I go...

I'm gonna let it shine.........

I went and hung out with the boys tonight, the boys consisting of Megan, Shands and I. It was truly a profound experience.

We chilled at this new coffee house that is just down the street from our church, Artistic Blends. Atmosphere is nice, better coffee at Four Star but any way, we sat and talked about reginess and rally and Y.O.U. We talked about relationships and Shands trying to lactate and other fun things. *BANG*. It was awesome.

I have this thing with some girls that I do to make them laugh. Megan is one of those girls. I put on this big macho facade, talk about girls a lot (not in a demeaning way btw). Megan laughed alot. It got on Shands' nerves. He is so different than me in some ways. I enjoy the fact that I am attractive, that girls and boys both find me intriguing. I love to know that and though it might be egocentric, I find it to be the kind that serves me.

We chilled downtown at Barnes and Nobles; stupid Starbucks took over the Coffee Haus..... We went and bought four 99 cent chicken nuggets from the Wendy's drive through and consumed them in around five seconds at the foot of the Carrot. We drove Shands home and Megan and I sat in a playground near her home. We talked for two hours.

Megan and I dated once, as you very well may recall. She is also my Incoming Regional Officer for Y.O.U. In the year and a half since she and I dated, we have both grown so much, she more than I in many ways. We sat, stood, moved, bounced and slid around the playground, talking about life, about the excitment and dedication of being a regi, about how life changes, about how people change, about relationships and passion and the lack thereof when it becomes time. We decided that I'm passionate and that though passion is amazing, it is also short lived. When I date someone, I become so passionate about them, doing everything and anything for them, that I eventually wear myself out. It really is nothing that the other person did, its how I react to people in general.

I, at one point on this plane of existance, decided that I wanted to dedicate my life to the service of others because that served me. It makes me feel good to serve, to share what I've learned and to see others learn. I am attracted to people in both platonic and romantic relationships that are unsure of themselves, that are looking for guidance and I try to provide that, to share my experience. I begin that process with such fervor and passion that the other person becomes wrapped up in what I am. It makes me harder to let go of. I yearn to see people realizing the Christ within them because I see it in me and I know it as attainable. To have someone that sees it in you..... God, that is amazing. I fell in love with Donna when she saw it in me. I can understand why others fall in love when someone sees it in them.

I spend so much of my life serving others that I don't really serve myself. Rally was a perfect example. I spent so much time and energy with others that I didn't eat, I didn't sleep and I eventually became sick and passed out. I loved rally but I didn't enjoy it as I could have if I had let myself. If I had served myself as well as those around me. Maybe that is what I am supposed to learn as an International if I become President of Service. I have to serve Soul and Spirit. The water bottle and the ocean.

After I dropped Megan off at her house, I left my music off. I started singing Listen-

Listen, listen, listen
To my heart song
Listen, listen, listen
To my heart song
I will never forget you
I will never forsake you

I was connecting to God, opening up myself to be ready and receptive to wisdom.

I asked out loud, "How do I serve myself? I am already being true to who I am, I'm not hiding my divinity, I'm not afraid of my light..."

"Am I being true to myself? Am I honoring myself? I'm not denying myself anything, I'm not holding back......"

"How can I be true?........... Just be; No expectation. Live in the moment, be true to how I feel and what I need. Don't worry about everyone else because that is in God's hands and in theirs. If you are called to lead or to guide, you'll know when you need to. Don't worry. Just be; No expectation...."

I am holy holy holy
I am holy holy holy
I am holy holy holy
I am whole....

I listened for a little while longer, letting my own divinity guide me and allowing it all to come in to me. Allowing myself to soak it up as a sponge.

I am not alone
I am not alone
I am not alone
God is here with me

I felt relaxed, self assured. I still do. I finished the drive home singing this, slightly out of key and out of tune. I loved it, every moment and every minute.

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine

Hide it under a bushel? NO!
I'm gonna let it shine
Hide it under a bushel? NO!
I'm gonna let it shine
Hide it under a bushel? NO!
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine

All over town
I'm gonna let it shine
All over town
I'm gonna let it shine
All over town
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine

Ev'ry where I go
I'm gonna let it shine
Ev'ry where I go
I'm gonna let it shine
Ev'ry where I go
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine