Me
Allie
Original Text

Hey, don't worry about being busy. Been there, done that, have the T-shirt to prove it. I remember senior year.... Crazy times! Glad to hear you're surviving.

I know you're leaving soon, so I don't expect you to read this letter in its entirety unless you are super bored on the plane. At any rate, you said when I had free time, and it just so happens that all of my classes were cancelled tomorrow/today for the convocation. I felt like throwing in little comments or asking questions about some things I was curious about. Feel free to answer or not. I tried to include the text from which I was reading so you're not completely lost by my questions/comments, and so that you could read them yourself and think back of how much you've changed as a person since you first started writing. Which, although I don't know you too well, seems to have been by a lot.

If you want to read a little bit before you leave for New York or if you're worried about college next year, read the very end of this letter. I hope that it will help.

Oki, doc's appointment in 9 hours, and I still have to sleep.... I'm terrified of going to the doctor's.... Last time the nursing assistant at the Cap health center literally held my feet down....

Nacht!
Allie


I definitely don't have time for this lol.............. Thanks for reading all of this stuff Allie. It really meant a lot to me..... I hope you don't mind me sharing with the rest of the world, it just feels really nice to be acknowledged and fun to answer the questions. And yeah, I'm supposed to be packing for NY, Talking to K.C., Finishing scholarships, Helping Zack with a research paper and a million other things. No time and no idea how to use CapITaL letters.....................



9/11 paper --

As we stood on the field, the speakers pumped patriotic music forth to the ears of everyone. There was not one song that did not praise the Christian God; even the pledge of allegiance included it. -- And just a short while ago religion was a bad thing to have in the school system. Seems everything runs in cycles.

Religion is still a bad thing to have in school

We are not here by some huge astronomical coincidence, but because in this moment we are meant to learn and do great things with our existence. Everyone is on his or her way to enlightenment one life lesson at a time. Amen. -- Wow, definitely a quote that will keep me up thinking.

*Blushes alot* Thanks....


Joshua is a MEAN place sometimes, a very mean place. Society here seems to like to pick on the individual. Anyone who sticks out of the group, whether it be by sexuality, religion, intelligence, or out look on life is picked on or pointed at or whispered about around the school. -- Is this because of specific people or the fact that it's a small town in general? Gibsonburg is very similar in some ways too, unfortunately.

Small town unfortunately. Most of the people are nice but sometimes *eep*......



Sometimes I hate band and yet sometimes I know I couldn't live without it. Its so hard to be a leader in band. The drummers just don't want to listen to me and yet I have as much experince as anyone in the entire band. -- I know exactly how you feel. My percussionists weren't too bad, it was more the band in its entirety that fit the description. My drummers knew not to step out of line. I never scared them or anything. I guess the fact that I came back from Germany at 11:00 on a Wednesday night and learned an entire drill and marched in the halftime show that Friday impressed them.... As well as some of the funny stories I had of years past.... ;) They were very respectful toward me and knew that there was a time for work and a time for play. And when we played.... Lol, I'll never forget that....

Yikes, a full show in two days? Props girl, props

I'm feeling almost sick right now, though not physically. Some shit went down in athletics in the past week and a group of friends has been blown apart. Blown apart because the coaches decided to preach religion and morals to a group of girls. They called mommies and daddies. The girls aren't allowed to talk to each other, to see each other, to spend time with each other. One girl was forced to go infront of her church, repent, ask for forgivness and apologize. Friendships of 10 years have been torn apart in three days. What did they do? What can someone do that is horrible enough to deserve that??????

They kissed girls. -- I know this is a stupid question, but did this really happen!?!?!? What happened?

Yep, it did. It was horrible, made me feel sick for weeks. Its a long story really, involving that girl Amy with whom my ex-girlfriend Becky was so wrapped up in. Just a bad situation, I lost a lot of respect for a lot of coaches that week.


No, wait, thats me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Becko that is. Yeah, sweet beautiful Becky dumped me Thursday. Amy, her first girlfriend, had been writing her letters and flirting with her as soon as I showed interest in Becky. Except Amy is in love with Keri, and Keri wants me. Its just the greatest thing ever. By the way, I know all of these things to be true because 1. Amy told me about Keri 2. Keri keeps flirting with me and asking me out 3. I'm pretty sure I like Becky and 4. Becky told me she was confused and just didn't want a relationship right now because she still liked Amy, but she still liked me. Pretty damn confusing, aye? --Eh, you're better off with KC. She's cool. Plus, drama is a bit of a pain sometimes.

Ha, the aforementioned Becky and Amy. I agree, K.C. is so much better than anything I ever had with Becky. They are not even marginally comparable.

I do regret letting myself get so wrapped up in all of that drama. Learn and move on I guess....


Anything by Tori Amos (I've heard she's quite good but I've never heard her...) -- Are you serious!?!?!? SHE IS AWESOME!!! Have you had a chance to listen to her yet? Awesome music. Awesome voice. The first song I ever heard of her's was "Winter." Its such a powerful song.

I got a two cd set but I haven't really listened to it yet; I will.



She cheated on you- dump her ass and don't give her another thought.
It was only one kiss, its not the end of the world.
How can you trust her if when she's not with you she can't resist a girl like Amy?
You care so much about her, forgive and forget.
Forgive and forget, exactly that, forget about her!!!
She's sorry, really sorry, she's been crying all day and you know it.
It's not the first time she's hurt you for Amy.
She's wonderful.....
Poop.
You can say that again.... -- Again, KC's better

*Insert self slaping* Yeah.... I shouldn't have put up with that pooo.

Again, I agree, K.C. compared to Bec is like comparing Van Gogh to Family Circus, though Bec was definitely not that wholesome lol. Crystals and Poo, Crystals and poo.......


Cut your own hair: HAHAHAHAHA, yeah, not well though. -- It's something that EVERY kid does once!!!!

I don't wanna talk about it *pouts and sucks thumb*


It is very distressing to be the person that is "in charge" of pumping everyone up. I'm not offically in charge, though everyone knows that it is my specific duty. I don't know what else to do. If they don't believe in themselves, there is nothing I can do. *Sighs* -- Mountain Dew?

Not on a game day!!! You must know that carbonation and caffiene are bad for athletes!!! That and bad spelling is extremely detrimental to all who read it. Haha, if you can tell me how many words I misspelled in this entry, I might get you a candy bar!!!


Yes, I am still alive. I'm sorry it's been so long, I've been grounded for quite a long time. Whatever you do kids, never EVER call your father an asshole at the top of your lungs as you're walking out the door to the car. Trust me, it's not a good thing. -- Well, duh?. ;)

It felt like a good idea at the time.......... Don't follow your whims kids, it leads to bad stuff, such as groundings and small babies. Well...... not if you're a lesbian.....


The last few days have been crazy. My mommy is in the hospital.... still..... I've missed three days of school this week. I've talked to Megan a whole total of 15 minutes since rally and thats 5 days. I usually talk to her every night for two or three hours. *eep* -- What was wrong?

Between my doctors and dentists appointments and my mother's health problems, soccer and drumline, three ap classes and being commited to everyone else in the world..... I was slightly stressed lol.....

I no longer feel the need to try out for drum major and I'm not sure that I even want to be in band. If I am in band I think that I'll just go to band, I'll no longer be a leader, no longer be in charge. I'll just enjoy it. But, that is of course if I am in band. -- Are you glad you stuck with it?

Yes, immensely so. In fact, had the last symphonic band contest today. I have one more drumline. I'll miss it. Glad I didn't try out for drum major though. Good decision.


It very strange to be incharge of something. Right now I'm picking kids up, dropping them off, going to doctor's appointments, visiting colleges *ie school field trip*, and going to operas. Well, opera. That was freakin awesome by the way. I love music. -- I went through the same thing my junior year. 6am-midnight/later I had a full schedule, and it started all over again the next day for over a month. Insanity.

Yes.


I am again feeling like I am tired of Joshua. Its such a horrible place sometimes. The worst is when I let it get me down and I add to the negativity. I did today. I apologize to everyone I brought down today, sleep deprivation is not a good thing for me. -- Gburg!! Ahhhh!!!! But, deep down you'll miss it when you're off at college. Or, at least some parts of it.

I'll miss a few things, mainly friends and good teachers. However, Good Riddance to the rest...... Thats a good song if you don't know it.....

Soak Up The Sun
Sheryl Crow -- Ever seen the Seasame version with Elmo? It rocks! And, yes, I still watch Seasame street from time to time.

Nope, sounds fun though.



Hanson -- You will post a Hanson song. Yep, you're definitely cool!

Good music is good music.


I want long time relationships, just none of that "I'll love you for all of eternity" crap. It just doesn't work like that. -- Do you still believe this?

Yes. Emotions change, love changes, people change, everything evolves. I'm not saying that it isn't possible to be with someone for a lifetime. I'm saying it is impossible to be completely in love with someone that entire time. With all things, our emotions range. I've been upset with people I love and vice versa. It just works that way.


AP tests are coming up in the next month? I'm studing for one AP class a night every ? no social life for a month, well then so be it. -- Is this how it is now? If so, I send you my prayers! And if so you shouldn't be reading this!

Yeah, I probably shouldn't be reading or doing this........ Just taking one this year so no worries. I got a 4 on AP Language last year, taking Lit this year. I think I'm prepared.


Questions- Do I have enough time to be a drum major? Do I have enough time to be a regi if I'm not drum major? Do I want to play soccer in college? If I don't want to play soccer in college do I want to be regi in college? What does my heart/soul/mind want? What do they need? Am I who I want to be? Could I do better? How can I help? -- Little over a year later, what do you think about these things now?

Lol, you know, I'm still debating a lot of this, excluding the drum major bit of course. I'm debating college soccer and Y.O.U. International officer...... Who knows?


Actually, I did cry today. My favorite teacher, Dr. Bodiford, has fallen on hard times lately. -- *hugs* what happened?


Meh, he got tired of Joshua mediocrity. We talked though and he and I both felt better. Really cool guy....


*NOSOTROS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* -- You ski better than I do. I hit a tree. Twice.

*WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

*giggles at own joke*



My mother drives me nuts. I was up until twelve last night downloading things for her and I accidently messed up on one of them and she started screaming at me. That escelated into a huge fight and now I'm grounded from my car and the computer. I'm at school right now so thats the only reason I'm writing. Oh well. -- Don't you just love these things? (please note sarcasm)

Blah


she's got carpal tunnel -- You do?

Yeppers peppers. Add up the years of drumming, playing goalie, typing and walaaaaaaaa, you get carpal tunnel. Merry Christmas!!!


This is the April fools joke- I'm straight HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- LOLOLOLOLOL!!! GOOD ONE!

Yeah, that'll never happen lol


The thing is that you can't hide who you are, no matter how hard you try. You are always yourself, through and through, whether you want to believe it or not. You can't hide your soul, your feelings, your thoughts and ideas from yourself. They are always there, everpresent and you have to deal with them. You can't hide who you are, you are always you. Always. -- *Whistles* Well said, hun.

Reference Unity Principles one and two-

God is everywhere, omnipresent.
Life is made in the likeness of God.

You can never get away from yourself!!!!!!!!!!


Fucking A....... -- There is a good Swedish film called 'Fucking 'mal.' Just thought I?d share.

That used to be my favorite curse word..... I'm not sure what it is now.... It might be bastard. I seem to be saying that alot...

as my mother once aptly put it- penispenisboobyfart!!!!!!!! -- You're mom's funny.

No comment. *giggles*

who's attracted to who, who screwed who, who's in love with who? -- whom?;)

Shut up *pouts*.


we are natures cure to the overpopulation of a species. -- I like that thinking. Or, as my friend Amy would tell her mom, ?It's not like we're making babies!

Exactly!!! We just try really hard!!!!!!!!



I was always afraid that he would steer just a little to far to the right on bridges and that I would be impaled along those dangerous side barriers. Cut in half, perfect symmetry. -- That's how I used to feel in the car, and still do occasionally, or in a bus when they make wide turns? yeah.

Yeah, its a real fucked up feeling



Sometimes I'm tempted to just veer off the side of the road, to just die. I've always had a strange fascination with death, suicide in particular. I can't tell you the number of times I've stood at a ledge and looked down, wondering what it would feel like to jump. I know ten ways to commit the perfect suicide, if there is such a thing. -- Again,same thoughts. I play the scene out in my head and wonder what it would feel like, knowing full well that I wouldn't actually jump off the roof or run out in traffic. But, the thoughts?. Ever get the jolt when you bring yourself from a thought such as that back to reality? Weird stuff. Ever read Hamlet's soliquoy? 'And in this sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause. There's the respect of calamity of so long life?.

Gotta love Shakespeare. Thats a really amazing quote.


Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All The Way -- Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh, hey!

What, What, Diggity


I ran 10 hills today with a two mile warm up. I feel tired, but good. -- I bet!

I need to work out...........


So, I need to finish that family group for the first rally of the year *does a cartwheel and then a backflip*. Just for your info., I can't do either. -- I used to know how to do a backflip. I can do it off the boat or dock, so if you?re ever up this way I'll teach you. Providing we have either a dock or boat.

Yeah, good luck!!! I seriously can't do a cartwheel. It is very saddening.


You're conversation with c Ent aur16 6 on religion and signing that petition. Very interesting and some things to think about. It would be even more interesting if more people thought this way.

I like that one; it was fun


Merry Christmas. -- I thought it funny you saying this in Oktober. My friends back home once went Christmas caroling on Halloween. Yes, we are all rather crazy.

Everyday is Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The next race is in Lubbock -- There is a town in Northern Germany called L'beck. Just thought I'd share.

Someone once told me that Lubbock was the armpit of Texas. I found that very funny.


Blue Man Group- The Complex -- Blue Man Group Rocks!

Still have yet to hear their stuff...



She's going to TCU next year........... should I? -- The advise given to us by our Gov't teacher: Never base your choice of school on you boy/girlfriend.

I agree but don't tell K.C. that. She might smack you lol.



Headphones
Rebecca Williams -- Did you really write this? Wow? I'm impressed. You've a great talent, kid.

Yep. One of my favorites.

I went to the chiropractor today. I had 6 dislocated ribs as well as having my neck and sholder out of alignment. Yay for landing funny during soccer practice. -- Ow! I hope that you're doing better by now!

Yeah, that only took three days recovery. Thats the longest I've ever been out for an injury *does a happy dance*.

Three ex-girlfriends in the room all at once. *EEP*. Yeah, so, I felt a tiny bit uncomfortable. -- I remember reading about the same event from a different standpoint. Weird?.

That would be interesting to read...

$40,000 dollars!!!! -- I hope that isn't per year?. If that's the total, I know a guy here who is already $60,000 in debt, and he's only a sophomore. I'm not even going to start on what I owe?. Crazy college fees!

Nope, not one year. I'm going to owe about $8,000 a year.


Be your self you little fuck. -- At 4:17 in the morning, I can't help but giggle at that statement.

Lol, you should have heard something I said the other day. This lady cut me off and I yelled "FUCK YOU, That wasn't very nice...." Shands almost died laughing.

My Immortal
Evanescence -- AWESOME SONG! SOOOOOO POWERFUL!

Ditto


The Terrible, Horrible, Not-Good, Very Bad Day! -- YES!!!! My mom used to read that story to me all the time when I was little! It rocked! Of course, then I turned 8, and we played poker and pass the garbage every night before bed. I was an odd child?.

My mom used to read it to me back in the day.

Hard to imagine I'll be in New York in a few days. -- Have fun! Don't forget to pack clean socks and underwear!

Socks sound good, though I think I'll skip the undies!!!






Just kidding *Teehee*


I'm honestly a little worried about the whole meeting a million new people. I'm going to be rooming with a complete stranger, in classes with people from places I've never even thought of going, going to church at a new place with new people and possibly going to big church, which I have done rarely and enjoyed just as rarely. That is, if I can find a church......... I don't know. I'm excited, but a little nervous. I think I'll feel better about this after this weekend.

--I'd tell you not to worry, but I know that it's impossible not to. Not when you're about to graduate and will be moving to college. Been there, done that, have the T-shirt. So, I thought I'd share a brief bit about my experiences here to sort of put your mind at a little bit more ease. I'm finished with my freshman year of college next Friday. My roommate and I have yet to fight. Obviously, it doesn't always go this well, but even in the worst circumstances, there is always the option to change rooms. It's a hassle, but beneficial for some people. As for new people, that's the fun of college. I hang out with people from Michigan, Virginia, Texas, Pennsylvania, etc. We all came here to study, and our lives intertwine as we grow and walk down this path together. It's an adventure. Religious-wise (if this is indeed a word), most bigger cities have tons of churches. I live in a suburb, and we have at least four within a decent walking distance. (And I live in a Jewish community) The harder part is finding a church that is right for you. I don't go to church here because there isn't a church close by where I get something out of it, but I do go to a Candlelight service on Thursday nights. I can also tell you that it will be overwhelming no matter how you approach things. Sometimes, it helps to just take a few moments (or even a day) to relax, reflect, and remind yourself who you are and what your goals are. Things work out in the end. Nothing is impossible. You will do just fine in college and life, kid. You really are someone special.

Thanks babe. That meant a lot to me.

Hasta Luego. I'm off to New York. Feel Free and Good Bless