I just dropped my entire family off at the airport........ I'm home alone for three weeks....... I feel very strange.

For the rest of my life, I'm at least 95% responsible for my entire life. I'm here for a week, then Conference and then two weeks and then Bard for an entire semester. I'm not coming home until December 18th. I'm leaving on August 6th. Shit, this is crazy.

I feel weird not being with them. It was so strange to stand outside of the line and watch my family check in and head towards their gate. I've been going to England with them every summer since after 8th grade. I'm not this year. I miss them, I really do. I don't tell them enough that I love them. I don't show them enough that I love them. I feel weird.

I feel amazing. I get to take charge of my life. I am in charge. I can do this. God, this is crazy. For the first time in my life, I make all the decisions. I can stay out as late as I want, I can order pizza, I can have a party. I can have quiet. I can have loud. I can sing and dance around the house, naked if I so choose. I just better watch out for the dogs; they have cold noses *grins*.

I feel very alone, nervous, sure, excited, perfect, tired, alone and ready. I'm not sure where I'm going, but I know that it's going to be really cool.