Hmmmmmmm..........

beautyNRfailings: hmm
beautyNRfailings: you know i feel like everything's happening really fast and that i don't have time to catch up
Becca hearts U: it seems to be quite a crazy time for you
beautyNRfailings: i mainly just. wonder who i am
Becca hearts U: what do you mean?
beautyNRfailings: i don't know
beautyNRfailings: i just wonder who the person is that life is happening to, and that is happening to life. i kind of wonder what force is underneath because i don't think i took the time to define that before. i was too worried about everything else
Becca hearts U: thats a really interesting way to put it
beautyNRfailings: it's something that's really hard to put words to
Becca hearts U: i'm sure
beautyNRfailings: well i think it's my turn to listen now if there's anything you want to talk about
beautyNRfailings: i phrased that kind of wierd...but i just mean that, i want to help if i can
Becca hearts U: i know babe
Becca hearts U: i was just thinking how best to articulate what i'm going through right now
beautyNRfailings: okay
Becca hearts U: all of this stuff with k.c. and stephanie is happening, my relationship with shands is changing again (not bad, happens often), i'm rebuilding the relationship that i had with megan before we dated and i'm trying to figure exactly who i am. i have a list of things that i aspire to be (not in an unhealthy way, but in a way that progresses my learning) and i was wondering tonight if people will remember me as having those traits that i try to exemplify
beautyNRfailings: all of these are good, beautiful things, and i'm glad that you get to witness them. it really is cool to watch you change yourself, becca
beautyNRfailings: i've noticed that there are a few people that consciously do it that i know, and you're one of them, and i'm always amazed by that.
Becca hearts U: well, lol, at least i know one person will remember *smiles*
beautyNRfailings: haha
beautyNRfailings: i would like to think that more than one person will
Becca hearts U: same here
Becca hearts U: but i know there are some that won't and the weird thing is that i'm okay with that because i don't feel as if i'm responsible for their feelings about me
beautyNRfailings: that's probably because. you're not.
Becca hearts U: see, this is where some people could get caught up in symantics
Becca hearts U: it is true that we are not responsible for how others feel about our actions; we are only responsible for those actions
Becca hearts U: but each action has a consequence with which we must come to accept and deal with
beautyNRfailings: true
Becca hearts U: if the action that we did effected another person, we are responsible not for how they feel but for helping them deal with the emotions that they have
Becca hearts U: affected
Becca hearts U: i think...
beautyNRfailings: i think that people are responsable for ttheir own emotions
Becca hearts U: i agree
Becca hearts U: but for example, if i had dumped k.c. and completely ended our relationship after that, not helping her deal with the unfamilar emotions that she was dealing with, would that be fair? right? justifiable?
beautyNRfailings: for effected and affected just think of the meaning of the letter "a" in spanish which means "to something" affected describes something that happens to a person or thing. effect is like the result. cause equals effect.
Becca hearts U: i am not responsible for her emotions, she chooses those, but responsible for helping her deal with those because the are the consequences of my actions
beautyNRfailings: it's arguable that at the same time, it may be impossible to be someone's friend, and 'break their heart' at the same time
Becca hearts U: and depending on the situation and people involved, it may be completely impossible
beautyNRfailings: makes sense
Becca hearts U: but i feel that it applies to more than just romantic relationships
beautyNRfailings: we all choose our effect
beautyNRfailings: but not always our affect ;-)
Becca hearts U: thats how i try to live my life, making spiritual choices as wise as i can possibly manage and then honestly dealing with my consequences
Becca hearts U: lol *smiles*
beautyNRfailings: a good way to go
Becca hearts U: its worked for me thus far, though i've never actually explained it before
beautyNRfailings: really? why not
Becca hearts U: i've never actually thought about it in detail, i've just existed in that space
beautyNRfailings: mm. i feel you
Becca hearts U: word
Becca hearts U: thanks for the except, accept bit
beautyNRfailings: i didn't plan it, i think that's the only reason it was cool
Becca hearts U: they actually decided in joshua that the gifted and talented kids shouldn't be taught grammar because we were so smart that we already knew it
Becca hearts U: they decided this in 3rd grade *shakes fist at joshua*
Becca hearts U: oh, and stephanie from austin says you need to talk about braclets
beautyNRfailings: hahahahaha
beautyNRfailings: inside joke
Becca hearts U: i got it
Becca hearts U: or, rather, i understood the fact that it was an inside joke
beautyNRfailings: this old guy who was like austin's version of the late frank sinatra comes up to us and asks us if we're bracelet buddies while we were in a cafe. i told him it was the only reason why we were friends. then he joked about it and he was a real character it made us laugh
Becca hearts U: hey..... question!
Becca hearts U: is it ok if i post part of this on my blogger?
beautyNRfailings: i would be flattered
Becca hearts U: yay!!! *smiles*