Soccer

Soccer is stressful right now. The girls all seem to be quasi ignoring me, though not in a spiteful way. It's like I'm there when they need something from me but when they don't, I dissipate into nothing until they need me again.

When the girls (refering to the my team) need me, I'm there. I've got their back, on and off the field. Without me, there would be no play off hopes. I've won three shoot outs, three games that would have gone to pot if I wasn't there. I'm not bragging, I'm not being big headed. I'm the only goalie on the team.

When they need help on homework, I help. When they have boy trouble, I listen. When they want to quit because it hurts to bad, I'm there. When I feel lost and like no one would care if I was gone, they cancel their plans with me, ride in other peoples cars, make fun of me and then write gay slurs.

Tonight is my last home game. It makes me sad. I love this game, this feeling. I love the moments where time stands still and the only things that matter are my hands and the ball. I love to dive, to knock people over, to dominate the field and scare the forwards shitless because I don't back down. I love playing this game. I love playing it here, at Joshua, despite everything. The girls are good, damn good.

I just wish that they realized I am more than a pair of gloves......

KC is wonderful. "Vunderful!!!!!!!"

Shands and Vanessa really like her and it makes me very, very happy. They said that they were surprised at how much spunk she has. They said she was bubbly *grins*. I agree. It is such a nice change to date someone like her. I am so grateful to be wrapped around such a "vunderful" persons finger.

She and I will be dating one month on Monday.

I'm still worried about Mount Holyoke and about playing in the playoff game. I hope it works out. I need to stop thinking about it because it makes me feel sick.

We need to win against North Crowley Friday night and winning tonight wouldn't hurt at all. I would love that.

Band rocks my face off. I've been hanging out with Calvin a lot lately. That guy is amazing. I really love goofing off during practice with him; playing all of the songs thirty beats over tempo when Jen turns around to help someone else. It 'tis a lot of fun.

I need to get focused for the game..........