Excerpts From A Letter

I don't know if you picked the worst or the best day to write. This week has been amazingly hard.

I've spent a couple days with Marlina in the City. It's wonderful to have someone from home and it's even better to have her. It's like she and I are the only two that got away, that really escaped. At least thats how we feel...

I haven't talked to Melissa since we left school, nor anyone else from Joshua. I felt, and still feel to some extent, that I'm just done with it. I'm done with Joshua and all of the bullshit that I've been through. I don't have to put up with ignorance anymore.

I don't feel that way today, not with what happened.

At lunch today, sitting with my QSA (Queer Straight Alliance) friends, looking at Imogen and Ali kiss with tears in their eyes at the thought that they could never get married or recognized truly as equal human beings, I felt sick to my stomach. I cried a lot; I'm not done with Joshua. I'm not done with that bullshit. That's my life, thats what I have to deal with it. And as frustrating and infuriating as that is, I'm going to do it. I'm not going to lie down and die, I don't give a fuck if I spill a little wine. I'm going to pour the whole bottle out.

There was a march today. It went from my school to the center of the nearest town- Red Hook. I marched with my drum and a rainbow flag tied around my neck. I had to come back early for soccer practice; we have a play off game tomorrow. On the way back- the march, not me- twelve people got arrested and not only arrested but wrestled to the ground, surround by dogs, chained up in hand cuffs and shackles and this is no exaggeration. Two of them were QSA girls and one of them was Imogen, one of my best friends here. They were released a few hours ago and they're ok. Simply ok though, they're a little cut up and bruised, one kid is in the hospital with a concussion and emotionally everyone involved is fucked. Myself included.

I don't know what to say to you. I've always missed my friend but I can hardly believe that underneath all of that shit that you did, those bible quotes that you sent me, all of those times that you were horrible, that my friend still exists. Thinking about the end of sophomore year and everything that followed still infuriates me.

I still do miss my friend.

Look, I'm open and I'm willing. I want to work through all this shit with you. If you want to, write me back, spend hours trying to explain what you're feeling. I want to listen.

What I really want is for you to be honest with me, setting aside religion, setting aside all of that bullshit we put up with in Joshua. If nothing else, be honest with me. You really have nothing to lose; I don't know anyone where you are.

Just be honest with me. I'll do the same with you.



Feel Free and Good Bless

Becca




*********THIS GOES FOR ALL OF YOU. I'VE BEEN BUSY, I'VE BEEN DISTANT, I'M SORRY. I'VE BEEN BUSY. I KNOW, THATS ALWAYS THE EXCUSE. WELL, ITS TRUE. REGARDLESS, IF YOU WANT TO WORK THROUGH IT, I'M HERE. JUST BE HONEST WITH ME. I'LL DO THE SAME WITH YOU.***********