I guess I'm just looking for someone to share this with...

This is the first bout of homesickness, the first deeply felt one at least. I've been here for five weeks and I feel really alone.

I miss Shands. I miss him so much. I'm crying as I write this. I don't know how better to explain how much I miss my Brother. No coffee shop, no carrot, no hanging out in my car, screaming at the top of our lungs to Jimmy Eat World or Ben Folds Five. I miss talking about girls. I miss him.

I miss my parents. At least I knew everyday when I would come home I could tell my Mom about my day. My dad and I would talk politics and sports and college. I would get a hug. I miss that. I miss them. I miss Zack. Crazy kid. His randomness, his jokes, him riding next to me in my car. I love him and I miss him.

I miss my band, my pit, my M-Pulse Drumline. I miss playing.

I was thinking today, walking to soccer practice, about Rose. She's gone now, almost nonexistant excluding my thoughts. We had something intense and amazing but it seems as if I was replaced or that at least, for a little while, I held someone else's place and that they've come back to retreave it. Regardless, I was thinking about it, about the moments that we shared, the eight hour phone conversations where we went through every little moment of our days, of our lives and just held it, honored it, the feelings and the emotions of it all. How we worked it out together. I realized that what I really wanted now was someone to share this with. Someone to talk to, to really talk to. To snuggle and hold and be with, in a loving sense, not in a platonic or romatic sense. Someone to share these moments with.

I left home, my family, my friends, my soul mate brother to come here. I came here to be free and I finally am, free to fly, free to soar, but I don't have someone to share it with. Not yet at least. Not yet at least.

I will though. I will.