Analise

When I started writing this response to you in my head, I started my first sentence with the word "Baby". Obviously, I'm not over you, and I know it. I'm still trying to deal with the reprucussions of my actions during the last year and I'm still trying to sort out those feelings. You know that, you always have. Its not something new. You also have to realize that what I write are my own feelings, my own perceptions which are tainted with my own prejudices. Everyone who you and I have ever talked to about our relationship knows that I had unfair expectations of you and of us. I won't try to hide that, its true. A lot of those feelings that I wrote about that pertained to you also come from my own expectations, which have already been sited as being a large part unfair. I'm trying to deal with the fact that what I expected wasn't love, but obssesion and unhealthy. I'm also dealing with the fact that I can't define love. You don't have anything to do with that. I'm not going to say that there weren't times when I needed you that you weren't there, because there were. There were times that you did turn me away and I don't feel as if that was fair. There were also times that you comforted me and loved me with all your heart. Don't take what I write so seriously. I'm not saying that you don't need to work on being more giving, because as your friend I will tell you that you do. I'm saying to let my words be words and realize that I am simply working out my own feelings, which are tainted by my preconcieved notions and other things that I have experinced. They are not your responsibility or anything of the sort. I love you girl, deeply, as a friend, and I would never write anything to hurt you. I'm just trying to serve myself.

Becca